Getting golfing advice is ironic because the golfers who should be giving you advice never do, and the golfers that have never broken 100 love to tell you how to fix your slice. I’m pretty sure the dating world is no different, where people with no business giving advice love to tell you how to live your life. But anyway, I’m going to offer my best piece of advice to anyone going through relationship issues. Mind you, I’m probably the golfer who hasn’t broken 100, since I haven’t dated in, well, awhile.
“No matter what, you have to do what’s right for you”
Insider Perspective - It’s so hard to make the correct decision when you’re directly involved. From an outsider perspective, it’s so much easier, normally a black and white decision. But when you’re involved there are so many other variables in play, idiosyncrasies, and so many emotions. Sometimes it’s almost impossible to sort through the fluff to find the right information you need to decide what to do.
Timeline Planning - Often times when you’re considering a break-up, you try to foresee the problems that will develop. Oh I shouldn’t do this now because Valentine’s day is coming up or her birthday or prom. Or she has my CD’s or my favorite hoodie and I need to get those back before I call it quits. This is clearly terrible logic. However, in the heat of moment you might even make these arguments and defend them. “Let me just wait until after Valentine’s Day…” Worrying about trivial future events should not affect your decision today. If you’re only waiting for an opportune time to break up, you’re really just disrespecting her by dragging her along. If the break up happens sooner, then the recovery happens sooner too.
Sunk Costs - Other times, people will defend irrational points. Many times these will be sunk costs in their decisions. Well I just gave her this gift. Well, we kind of sloppily made out. Or I just met her parents. Don’t kid yourself into thinking sunk costs should affect your future behavior. Just because you spent money on her or kissed her while you were drunk doesn’t mean you should keep dragging her along.
Stinkin’ Emotions - Another reason someone gets sidetracked in the decision making process is they let their emotions get in the way. They care too much for how it will affect the other person. She’ll be crushed, and crying inconsolably and I don’t know if I can deal with that. I also don’t want to be the person who caused that. Sorry buddy, if you don’t want to break a girl’s heart, then don’t take it. Sadly, she will be crushed and you’ll feel terrible for making a girl cry. But if it wasn’t right for you, don’t fake it, it only makes it worse. And eventually the girl will thank you too because it would have been worse to continue to fake it. Finally, girls will understand that it’s better to have loved and lost then to have never have loved at all.
Dealing with emotions and relationships stink. Making hard decisions stink. Hurting someone else stinks. But in the end you have to do what’s right for you no matter how bad it feels. Because if you’ve thought about it, it’s what’s best for the long term.
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