Hangover Cures

As we get into the prime of our lives, we think we’re invincible when it comes to drinking.  The college kids out there know what I’m referring to.  The nights when you feel like you can crush two 40’s in one night after pre-gaming, or when you take at least 5 shots before you even leave the apartment.  But unfortunately, even in our primes we can’t always evade the dreaded hangover.  So now we’ve gone from drunk euphoria to flat out hungover.  The fastest and most effective way to get back to our prime is not through water or food but instead by going on a long run.

DIAGNOSIS-Some people claim they’ve never been hungover, and while they might be correct, its more likely that they probably have but just didn’t know the feeling.  It’s a similar situation as to when someone has never drank before.  A person who has never drank assumes that drinking people are gone and out of it, when in fact there is plenty of middle ground when drinking.  I mean you are allowed to be buzzed and not drunk, (contrary to popular college beliefs), and you’re allowed to drink a few and still drive, so clearly there is some middle ground when it comes to drinking.  One natty doesn’t make you black out and forget everything you did. 

That person that sees alcohol drinkers as either sober or blackout is probably the person that claims they’ve never been hungover.  They carry over that same faulty logic to being hungover or fine with no middle ground.  They don’t understand there are multiple levels of a hangover.  They just believe that if they’re not throwing up the next morning, they’re not hungover.  Here’s a few symptoms to determine the level of hangover experienced.  The basic symptom is you don’t want to do anything.  It’s that you just want to crawl out of bed, turn on the TV and sit.  You don’t want to move, you don’t want to drive, you don’t want to do work, you just want to sit.  If it is a particularly bad hangover, you might have a headache and you can’t eat anything.  And the worst hangovers are when you have to throw up after sleeping.  Finally, the granddaddy of them all, when you throw up at a Raisin’ Cane’s public bathroom after barging in when your roommate was having a beer dump.  So basically, there are multiple different levels of being hungover, and people that claim they’ve never been hungover after drinking are misdiagnosing their symptoms.

Multiple college friends are super eager to tell you their hangover cure, and they normally swear by it.  (Funny side note: I’m making fun of people and by writing this post; doing the exact same thing)  Some drink lots of water the next morning, some say to eat breakfast, some advise talking Advil the night before, and some say make sure to drop a deuce.

WATER-Drinking lots of water only gets the beer taste out of your mouth and dilutes your BAC.  But the alcohol needs to leave your body somehow, and the liver can only do but so much.  By only drinking water your stomach feels empty and constricted.  Grade: B-.

FOOD-Eating breakfast helps a lot since the food absorbs the excess alcohol, lowering your BAC.  However, sometimes you’re too hungover to even eat.  When for some unexplained reason your body just won’t chew and it takes you 35 minutes to eat half a bagel.  And unfortunately eating won’t do much to your headache, and could cause you to throw up (See: Raisin’ Canes’). Grade: B

ADVIL-Taking Advil the night before is actually a terrible idea.  I’m pretty sure it thins your blood, thus increasing your BAC, and although it might help your headache, it’s not safe to do.  Grade: D

DEUCE-Dropping a deuce is a quick way to get rid of some excess alcohol.  There have definitely been times when I’ve felt like I’m deucing straight alcohol the next morning, and then I feel a ton better.  Grade B.

If you combine water, food and deucing, it’s the second best option.  Grade B+

LONG RUN-However the best cure is to go on a long run.  Drink some water before you go and force you body to be active.  Being active jumpstarts your body and your day.  You’ll feel different degrees of terrible while on the run, but after you’ll feel so much better.  By being active and sweating your body can detox itself by sweating out the alcohol.  Now after the run, you’ll be able eat fine and finish detoxing.  Also, by running you don’t waste the whole morning watching tv on the couch.  And you can get back to productive work in the afternoon. Grade A.

Different people swear by different hangover cures, but for a runner like me, going on a long run is the fastest and most effectively way to cure a hangover and not waste your entire morning feeling terrible.  So first let me set my morning alarm, and then pour me a drink.