Less is More: Quotes from Guys to Girls

Guys are terrible with words and emotions.  Just ask any guy how they’re feeling?  Most will be taken back for a second but regain their composure and tell you what they’ve been up to, which clearly doesn’t even answer the question.  Well that’s because we don’t know how we’re feeling, and even if we did, there’s no way we would be able to convey our feelings with words.  So for kicks and giggles, ask guys how they’re feeling from time to time and just enjoy the responses.  But luckily for guys there’s an escape for our lack of words.  There are phrases that carry so much connotation, that we don’t even have to explain them with our pathetic excuse for words.

“Hey (first name)!! It was great seeing you last night and I had a great time, and hope you did too.  We should hang out sometime.”

I’m pretty sure all the girls out there have gotten a text message almost identical to this one at some point in their lives, and I’m pretty sure every guy has sent it as well.  So the guy just got the phone number of a girl he’s interested in, and the night before they talked, danced, and maybe drunkenly kissed.  So now it’s the morning after and the guy wants to pursue the girl in real life as opposed to just drunk life.  So he paces back and forth about what time to text her, and then after much deliberation, and after seeking advice from the whole apartment he’ll send this gem of a text.  Depending on the interplay from the previous night, the guy might throw in a reference to the previous night if he’s clever. 

The guy thinks this text is a super calculated fool-proof move.  Doesn’t come across as too demanding, just testing the waters.  But we all know what he really means and what ‘hang out” means.  The guy is in one of two boats.  Either he’s liked this girl for awhile and finally something sparked the night before so he’s going to push the envelope.  Or he met a really cool girl the night before and thinks he’s interested.  Either way, he’s trying to flatter the girl and proceed to step 2 which is clearly ‘hang out.’  Most sophisticated college guys know this is code for I’m really interested in your body and want physical pleasure as soon as possible, but he’s just hoping it get’s interpreted as “ya let’s go to Bodo’s sometime.”  If you’ve exchanged numbers, you almost have to text this the morning after to let her know you’re interested and if the feeling is reciprocal you’ll know shortly and can proceed to the go-zone.

“We need to talk”

This one sucks.  This means I’m about to tell you something that will probably make you cry.  So the girl should be prepared for the worst, and should probably take a seat somewhere.  This is the easiest way to break the news to your girlfriend that you’re about to break up with her.  Everyone knows that’s what you say when you want to have the break-up conversation.  So you pretty much have to start the conversation with this, so she’s knows what’s next.  Because if we only used our own original words, we might dilute the meaning so much that she’s confused if we’re actually breaking up.  Luckily, if you start with “we need to talk”, no matter what gibberish you say next, she knows you’re breaking up, which saves you the trouble of elaborating 5 times.

Another super important note, never ever say this before any other conversation.  No matter what problems your relationship or your families are going through, start that conversation a different way.  Because if you’re not breaking up with her, don’t put it in her mind that you might or that you’re thinking about it.  And by saying “we need to talk” her mind will wander furiously, she’ll assume the relationship is on thin ice and fear the worst until you actually talked to her.  Don’t make her do that, start other deep conversations with original quotes.  Save this one for the break-up.

“Things weren’t working out”

After a break-up, you’re back on the market.  And just like in the job market, future employers are curious as to why you’re unemployed and what went wrong at the old place.  Well in business, all employees say only positive things about the new company, and they never say negative things about the old company.  So they’ll say things like “I really like the culture here.  I just really like the people here.”  Instead of the truth which is something more like “my boss was a prick, the people were jerks and I had no opportunity to move up the corporate ladder.”

So take that same approach to dating.  You don’t need to go into all the messy details about her being controlling, the trust issues, or that she wasn’t over her ex-boyfriend yet.  Only say positive things, like I really enjoyed her company and I hope we stay friends but “things weren’t working out.”  About 95% of the people who asks will take that as plenty of information.  The other 5% should be your close friends and you owe it to them to confide in them the truth.  No matter how clean or messy the break-up was you can always hide behind “Things weren’t working out” and both reputations are saved.

Guys will continue to be terrible with words.  And girls will continue to misunderstand and misinterpret most of what we say.  But luckily, we at least have three phrases we can go to that won’t be misunderstood.