Tuesday's Tip of the Day #5

Buy drinking glasses with flat bottoms, such that after they're washed in the dishwasher, there is no residual water left in the crevice.

Quotable Mondays #4

Last week's quote will remain anonymous to protect the innocent.

This week:

"I should have dumped her before the dance, so I wouldn't have had to buy that damn flower"

"My" Dog

They say dogs can sense fear.  They say dogs play with the most scared person in the room.  They say the dog is just having fun.  Well I’m not having fun, I’m living a nightmare.

Whenever I’m in a room with a dog, I can promise you I’m the most scared, and any dog can sense it.  I’m not a fan of dogs, they’re not a fan of me.  When I visit a house with a dog, I’m hopeless.  I’ll try to hide the fact that I’m deathly afraid, but the truth is I’m as tense as someone with a two by four up theirs.

Traumatic Moment - I was bit by a dog in 3^rd grade.  I tried to put the bowl of food real close to the dog, and it simply protected its bowl but biting my hand.  I went from a cocky younger brother to a sulking scared little boy.  I remember distinctly looking at the bite mark.  His canine had pierced the fat of my palm, and I looked quickly to survey the damage.  As I stared into my hand I could see my purple muscles and fibers as blood had yet to fill the wound.  I kept looking as if I were seeing a poster from biology class, and as I tried to make sense of the situation, I almost fainted.

Running Encounters - I also run quite often.  Dogs hate intruders and perceive runners as intruders.  Just ask any mailman how dogs treat them.  And I know exactly what they’re talking about.  Now that I run farther than before, I like getting out to rural roads.  You know the scenes with hard packed gravel roads, hay bales, and no electric fences.  Every dog feels obligated to protect their turf.  So they lurk out in the front yards and wait until we’re vulnerable and then hop out and start barking.  I guess they’re alerting their owner that some measly runner is close to the property.  And they don’t leave either.  They bark constantly, and tail you, and all in all pester you.  Some critics claim the dog just wants to play.  Well that’s the last thing I want to do.  I’m just trying to run on a public road bite-free.

From my first bite to every running encounter I have with dogs, our relationship has not improved.  I make it very clear to my friends and acquaintances that I don’t mix well with dogs.  And normally I make the drastic claim that I don’t like dogs.  Almost everyone is completely shocked by this.  Whoa, really, what about (name random dog breed that I don’t know)?  Nope don’t like them either, and they won’t like me.  Well then there’s always someone in the room that says this,

“Well what about my dog? You like my dog, don’t you”

Non-discriminatory - I’m sorry, I don’t.  I don’t discriminate at all.  I don’t like your dog, your neighbor’s dog or anyone else’s dog.  Most people can’t reconcile this.  They can’t fathom how someone could not love their pride and joy as they do.  Well it’s pretty simple.  You’ve built so many memories with your dog, and your dog is nice to you.  It’s the concept that you believe something you own is more special than anything else.  You value the memories and experiences with your thing, and you can’t see why someone else wouldn’t value those as highly as you do.

House Metaphor - It’s comparable to when you’re selling a house.  If you’ve lived in the house for 20 years, you probably love everything about it and overvalue everything.  When in fact, there are still flaws with the house, and the market values the house significantly less than you, because the next owner doesn’t care how many thanksgivings you’ve had there, or that the house has only had one owner since 1980.  It cares about kitchens, bathrooms, and modern appliances.

After someone unwillingly accepts that I’m not a fan of their dog, I tell them that the dog who bit me was “My Dog” to Stephen.  That his dog had never bit anyone before, but his dog had never met me before either.

So treasure the memories you have with “your dog,” but don’t assume that everyone is going to love your dog like you do, especially Miko.

Do you dap, stop, or nod?

Here’s the situation.  You’re walking by yourself around Charlottesville on the sidewalk.  And up ahead, about 20 feet on the same sidewalk, is someone you know walking the opposite direction.  You’re clearly going to cross each other’s path in 10 seconds.  What you do next can shed a lot of light on your relationship status.

Fist Bump – you guys are bros, and you’ll see them around often so no need to carry a conversation, just a simple greeting with a bro fist bump.  Frequent acquaintances.

Man Embrace – close bro.  You used to see this person more often than now, and you’re a little disappointed you don’t see him enough now.  So you show that you guys are still tight by giving him a man hug. Friends.

Head nod – This is the person you meet at parties when you can’t remember names.  You’ve forgotten their name, but now you know you should recognize them.  So you just give them a quick head nod, letting them know, that you do in fact know them.  Friends of friends.

Conversation without stopping – I say it’s a conversation because I’m a guy, but basically each person asks how are you doing, and each responds doing well.  There is no stopping, no slowing of pace, just an on-the-go convo.  One of the two people isn’t interested in a drawn out conversation and might not have the time, so neither slows down.  Marginal female friends.

Double stop – This is where both people stop to give each other the time of day.  They ask a few questions and genuinely act like the care.  After about 3 questions, someone says, well I gotta get to class, see you later.  Ok, bye.  Non-hugging female friends.

Female Embrace – This happens when you see a good friend of yours that you haven’t seen in awhile OR you see a good friend who is a hugger.  (Side note: some girls are huggers, for some reason they like embracing others, and some girls are not.  I’m sure guys are aware of which category their female friends fall into.)  So you give them a nice “so glad to see you” hug, and chat briefly and then move on.  Hugging female friends.

Single stop – This is the trouble area, the situation everyone is trying to avoid.  Where one person stops to chat, and the other person doesn’t slow down at all.  Sometimes this is done intentionally, but more often it’s done unintentionally.  You don’t stop, they do, and by the time you realize it, you’re five feet past them and it’s too late.  Clearly one person wants to chat and the other has more important things to do then spend 2 minutes chatting.  This is quite humilating when you stop and they don't even slow down.  Friendship identity crisis.

Cross the street immediately – this is where you see someone you know, and hope to avoid them.  So you cross the street instantly hoping they haven’t seen you thus avoiding any interaction.  Old ex’s stuck in a high school mentality.

I started this post hoping to give advice on how to read the sidewalk situation and act appropriately to avoid the dreaded single stop, but I’ll leave that for another post.

If you’re ever concerned about your friend status with someone, don’t check Facebook, just walk the other way on the same sidewalk and you’ll figure out all you need to know.

Tuesday's Tip of the Day #4

You should always come 5 minutes early to the first class of every semester, so you don't wind up sitting in a terrible location or on the floor.  (e.g. Econ 201, Com 341)

Quotable Mondays #3

Last Week's winner was Reed Bernick, he was a whiz in class discussions.

This week:

"You know what's gross? I don't remember the last time I showered"

Best Isn't Good Enough

Remember the philosophies of elementary school.  Dream big. If you put your mind to it, you can be whatever you want.  Well eventually, these dreams die.  You thought you could do anything, but then you find out, that not everyone can be a major league ballplayer.  That there are only 30 NBA teams, and there aren’t enough roster spots for everyone who wants to play in NBA.  Or maybe you’re like Dwayne and can’t be a pilot because you’re color blind.  Eventually the harsh reality hits us, and we compromise our dreams.

Now that I got a little off topic, let’s go back to the other elementary philosophy: Give it your best shot.  This is completely true.  Whatever you do, you should give it 100% (I’m a statistics nerd, and you can’t give more than 100%, so I would never say give 110% since it is impossible.)  It’s a waste of your time to do something half-heartedly.  If you commit to something, you better give it your all.

Side rant: How silly does this sound? One of my high school friends took the SAT with almost no preparation just to see how she would do.  She clearly didn’t give her best, nor did she try to give it her best shot.  No matter what, you practically gain nothing from the experience.  Even if you’re happy with your scores, you know you could do better if you tried, so you’ll definitely take them again later, making the first test obsolete.  So by gaining the “experience” of a SAT, you lost the test fee and the whole Saturday you used to take the test.  She’ll agree with me that she kind of regretted it, (I think). Basically, if you don’t give it your best shot, you’ll regret it no matter what you do.

Success - Growing up, our best shot normally works.  If we commit to studying for a spelling test, our best will ace the test.  If we commit for an AP exam, we’ll probably be happy with the results.  If we commit to getting into a certain college, we can probably do it.  But eventually, we commit to something, work hard, and seriously give it our best shot, and then we fail. 

Harsh Reality - That is without a doubt one of the worst feelings in life.  That we failed at something we poured everything into.   That all our hard work, dedication, and preparation wasn’t good enough.  Go watch a high school athlete’s final game, more specifically a committed high school athlete.  So many of them have dedicated their high school career to that sport.  They’ve spent countless hours working and training.  But in their final game, their best isn’t good enough, they lose and their state championships dreams die. (unless you play football at Phoebus).  They come up short, and what further validates to me that it’s the worst feeling in life, is seeing them cry.  Most high school boys never cry, and pride themselves on it.  But when our best isn’t good enough, when we fail in our final game, the harsh reality hits us and many athletes cry.

I’m seeing super talented friends come up short a lot these days.  As a fourth year, everyone is trying to a get that dream job and a nice salary.  Many students pour their lives into these resumes, cover letters, and interviews and hope to land their dream job.  But dream jobs are in short supply, and many super talented and super qualified people fail.  They’re told that, we know you gave it your best, but today your best isn’t good enough.

So give it your best, and pray that your best will be good enough.  But understand that giving your best does not guarantee that you’ll be good enough, and it’s just a devastating fact of life.

Courtesy Laugh

Do you ever lol when something isn’t funny? Think about it, do you laugh out loud even though you don’t think what they said was funny.  Unfortunately, most normal people do it all the time, and in fact we’re supposed to do it all the time as well.  I call it a “courtesy laugh” and it pops up in the real world all the time.

Authority - Let’s say you’re networking to someone of authority.  You’re some pee-wee and they’re clearly accomplished.  You’re trying to make small talk and come off as a coherent individual, and you’re probably sucking up to them a little bit too.  So if they say something, that’s supposed to be funny.  We give it the ole double ha.  We’re just trying to communicate that we understand you said something you think is funny, and that we have a high enough social IQ to know when to laugh.  Hopefully your courtesy laugh was properly timed and you continue to hit it off with someone who can hire you or promote you one day.

Small talk - Another great time to use the courtesy laugh is when you’re zoning off during small talk.  You can be at a party, a bar, or just catching up with people.  But clearly you’re not that interested in the conversation, but there’s literally nothing else to do, so you act interested.  You’re thinking of something else but continue to be a good listener.  To not get caught zoning off and being a jerk, if they say something that’s supposed to be funny, you give them a polite courtesy laugh, so you don’t come off as an upper class prick.

Elderly - You can also use the courtesy laugh around the hard of hearing elderly.  A courtesy laugh is the simplest thing to say.  They don’t have to read your lips or ask you to say it again.  So if there’s a time when you’re suppose to laugh, go ahead and belt out another courtesy laugh, and play along with them.  Also, don’t ever try to do an add-on joke with the elderly.  You know, where you play off their joke you’re your own very related funny comment.  You’ll be forced to say it multiple times, and your joke will get less funny each time you repeat it, and finally will only be met with their own courtesy laugh, quite a depressing return.

Flirting - The final and most important time to use the courtesy laugh is when you’re flirting with a cute girl.  Everything a cute girl says is significantly funnier because you’re trying to make her feel good.  Hopefully, she’ll come away thinking, what a sweet and funny guy.  So when a cute girl says something remotely funny, or when she’s expecting a laugh, we’ll definitely be them giving a courtesy laugh.

If you don’t believe me, or don’t think you do this, I challenge you to NOT laugh at things that aren’t funny.  Don’t do any courtesy laughs for a day or two.  You’ll quickly see how awkward the conversation gets, and how there is no filler to let the conversation flow.

So continue to use the courtesy laugh to show off your social IQ, to zone out during small-talk, to speak with the elderly, and to flirt with that cute girl.

Tuesday's Tip of the Day #3

When living in an apartment, try to put at least one utility account in your own name to build up your credit history.

Quotable Monday's #2

Last week's winner was Ray Cuevas.

This week's quote:

"I've cultivated a skill of discussing books I've never seen"

(2010)

3 Must-Haves for College

Three things that will improve your college experience are an umbrella, a planner, and a water bottle. 

Umbrella - High school is long gone and your needs have changed and you need to adjust to the changing time.  One of the initial reactions I hear from 1^st years is that it rains a lot in Charlottesville.  This isn’t completely wrong, but its pretty close.  It rains about the same here as any place in Virginia.  The difference is the rain affects you a lot more in college.  Let’s say it rains from 11 to 2 and is party cloudy at all other times.  In high school, all that happens is you don’t go outside for lunch or gym.  It barely affects your day, and so you might forget that it rained a week later.  However in college, if it rains from 11-2, it really affects you.  You’ll get stuck in the rain between classes or going to lunch.  You’ll remember that it rained because you got wet, your backpack is soaked, and you forgot to take your umbrella.  So after a few situations like this, you’ll conclude that it rains more in college.  Wrong, you just remember the rain easier because of how it affected you, when in fact it doesn’t rain more.  So get an umbrella so you don’t get soaked because walking around in a hoodie doesn’t cut it in college.  And on top of that get a big umbrella.  First, your backpack still gets wet with small umbrellas.  Secondly, you’ll have extra space under your umbrella for a friend or someone that you want to be friends with.

Planner - Buy a planner, use a planner.  There’s only so much time in the day, and there is so much fun to have.  But you need to be able to plan your schedule around others and maximize your fun, so you might as well get a schedule.  In high school, you’re schedule was much more daily.  Same classes everyday, same start and same finish.  Same practice time.  There wasn’t much that differentiated each specific day.  College is much more of a weekly schedule.  Class discussions, meetings, clubs, and practices happen on a weekly basis.  Even lunch is at a different time each day.  But all these events fall into a weekly schedule.  Some people relish being spontaneous.  I have no problem with that.  As long as there is nothing planned, be as spontaneous as you want.  But if you’re constantly spontaneous, you’ll find yourself sitting around waiting for something to happen, instead of doing planned fun events with friends.

Water bottle - Water bottles are really efficient and cost effective.  If you don’t drink tap water, change your mind, we’re in America and our tap water is clean and cheap.  If you already drink tap water, then a water bottle is perfect for you.  College students don’t drink enough water to begin with.  This happens for several reasons, but mainly because we’re lazy and don’t have the resources.  If the water fountain is down the hall, you’re not walking out there just for a sip, no way.  It’s too much work, and you're clearly in the middle of Call of Duty.  If you have a water bottle, you can be lazy and still hydrated.  Who’s the noob now?  Another reason for dehydration in college is the lack of cups.  1^st years don’t have clean cups lying around like you did at home and hate washing cups, so they either can’t find a cup or would rather not wash the cup later, so they'd rather go thirsty than have to wash a cup.  But, water bottles really don’t even need to be washed. And another thing, don’t buy cases of water.  That’s not sustainable and takes up too much room, when a water bottle serves all those functions.

Get an umbrella, a planner, and a water bottle and you'll be ready for rainy days, busy days, and lazy days.

Dish Crisis

The hardest part about living with others is putting up with their personalities and messiness. I’ve been collecting data for awhile on the dynamics of a college house or apartment.  And without a doubt the number one cause of tension within an apartment or house is a dish crisis.

For most of us, we’ve grown up with a dishwasher or at least an overextending Mom.  So dirty dishes were not a problem growing up, and we didn’t really learn how to wash them.  We just know how to put them in the dishwasher.  This creates a huge problem when you live in an apartment with no dishwasher.  So now, each person is required to wash their dishes after using them, which then inevitably leads to a dish crisis.

Time issue- Many college students eat in a hurry and save their dirty dishes for later for when they’ll have more time.  They fully intend to get around to cleaning them, but don’t have the time now.  Most times they’ll clean them later that day, but for certain people it might be a week before they have enough time (cough 3 minutes) to scrub down a pot.  Then there are others that just deny they used dishes.  This stems from high school where the overarching principle was deny everything.  For more serious accusations, it was deny and cry.  So dishes pile up when as they get put off until later.

Selfish issue- I believe everyone is innately selfish and we have to constantly think about it to not be selfish.  This adds to the dish crisis because very few roommates will do the others’ dishes.  Why should I clean up their stuff?  We’re too selfish and stubborn to clean up other people’s crap.

Laziness- Another reason that dishes pile up is that either we’re lazy or we just forget that it was our dish or one of our friends.

So all these factors combine and dirty dishes pile up in almost every apartment.  People say there isn’t enough time to make lunch and clean the dishes before, or they’re just lazy, and no one wants to clean other people’s crap.  So after a few weeks, people start putting passive aggressive notes up, pleading everyone to clean their dishes, because of course they always clean theirs.  These notes further the divide and the tension continues to build throughout the year.

The only way to solve a dish crisis is to have an apartment full of Samaritans that clean more dishes than they use.  They pick up each other’s slack.  There are hardly any of these apartments, so for a great conversation make sure to ask your friends how their dish crisis is going?

Tuesday's Tip of the Day #2

Learn how to type with all your fingers.

Quotable Mondays: "Who said it?"

Here’s comes another great idea that will be difficult to follow through.  For about the past 8 years, I’ve collected funny quotes from friends, faculty, bathroom stalls and the Brown College Application.  So every Monday, I’ll post an anonymous quote and if you want to guess who said it via commenting, I wouldn’t hate it.

Here's your first:

"I don’t think 17 people could finish five cases in one night…maybe 17 of me could."

How you will be Judged

One of the funnier moments in academics is when you find out how long it takes to grade a scantron sheet.  This happened during one of my first final exams in college. You hand in your test to a teacher assistant, wait about 45 seconds, and all your hard work is reduced to the number.  All the hours of studying and hours of test-taking all funneled down into a simple two-digit number, your grade.  That’s when it hit me, that we are not be judged by the time, effort, and preparation we do.  We are judged only by our results.

Exams - Let’s delve into that exam.  You can think about the problems for 3 hours, use scrap paper to write out the theories.  You can debate back and forth filling in bubble C, then erasing and filling in D, only to switch back in the end.  You can try to come up with hypothetic scenarios, or real world scenarios just to give you some insight into the problem.   But no matter how much work you put in to that question, the result is binary: you either get it correct or incorrect.  There isn’t and shouldn’t be any middle ground.  Someone else could have guessed correctly, and they’d get the same amount of credit as you, even if you had written out an elaborate proof and be convinced without a doubt that choice C is indeed the best answer.

Sports - Another major area where judging occurs is sports.  Athletes practice tirelessly, run extra, lift extra, watch extra film, but they aren’t judged on their preparation or hard work.  They’re judged by their results. 

I went to high school with a very skilled wrestler.  I’ll never forget following his senior wrestling season.  3 weeks before the championship, he told me he dedicated himself to wrestling.  He stopped partying, drinking, and carefully monitored what he ate.  Then 3 weeks later he stood up as a state champion, the ultimate dream of so many high school athletes.  No one can take that away from him.  He’ll live his whole life glorified in the record books and walk around with a ring to prove it.

But, here’s the catch, and he’ll agree with my conclusions.  In no way, did he want it the most.  He didn’t prepare as hard as his competitors, and there’s no way he worked as hard.  There are wrestlers that devote themselves to the sport and the ultimate dream.  They’ve never drank.  They’ve never partied.  They don’t even touch soda. They’re constantly monitoring their weight and sleep in the cold basement so their body burns more calories. These wrestlers wanted it more, and trained harder for it, but we don’t reward practice in the real world, we reward results.  And he won, he ended the ultimate dream for so many other people, and he’ll be judged as a state champion and they won’t.

We judge athletes by their on-field performance not by what they do to prepare.  School and the real world are no different.  You’ll only be judged by what you hand in, by the results you present, not the work or lack there of you’ve put in.  Think about that next time you hand an assignment in.  Ask yourself, does what I hand in show all the work I’ve done?  Have I channeled all my hard work into the finished product?  Because, they don’t grade the work you’ve put in, they only grade the finished product.

Christmas Presents that Last

Every year a week or so before Christmas I make a “what I want for Christmas list.”  This isn’t because I’m selfish and want to act like a five year old.  I do this because I want to force myself to reflect on the things that I value.  So take a moment and think about what you want for Christmas or the New Year.  Don’t corner yourself into something you can find at Wal-Mart, think more of it as if a genie gave you three wishes.  For example, this year the number one thing on my wish list is a job offer.  Unfortunately, I don’t think Santa has any job openings in the North pole, so it might go unsatisfied.  Another thing that pops up on my list is better relationships with my friends.  So I want you to take a moment and contemplate what you want for Christmas and then I’ll spend a few paragraphs talking about gifts that last.

Christmas was a time for getting when you were a kid.  Remember when you used to tear through a wrapped present to find a N64 or a new lego set and you just went wild.  Those were the days.  But now, a lot of people during Christmas times push the theme of “a season for giving.”  Giving is great, don’t get me wrong, but giving doesn’t last long enough.  Retail stores will agree since they absolutely need the holidays to squeak our of the red often times, but the buying doesn't last the whole year.  Also, giving to charity is only an itemized tax deduction, so that will last about a year if it exceeds your standard deduction (What’s up federal tax?).  And another thing, most people will be giving gift cards this Christmas because finding the right gift is just too hard.  So Christmas is no longer about getting or giving, but instead about spending time with your family, friends, and the experiences that come along with that.

This holiday season don’t be concerned with finding the perfect gift, because eventually everyone will realize that gifts fade away, the real gift is the time spent in the close company of your family.  Laughing about the good ole days, making fun of each other, and making jest about everyone’s personality quirks.

Sometimes the gift all someone wants is just your time.  Give your time to old friends.  In the end, people don’t remember the clothes they got for Christmas as these fade away in due time, but they will remember the good times they had with family and friends, and the experiences and relationships they made.

Less is More: Quotes from Guys to Girls

Guys are terrible with words and emotions.  Just ask any guy how they’re feeling?  Most will be taken back for a second but regain their composure and tell you what they’ve been up to, which clearly doesn’t even answer the question.  Well that’s because we don’t know how we’re feeling, and even if we did, there’s no way we would be able to convey our feelings with words.  So for kicks and giggles, ask guys how they’re feeling from time to time and just enjoy the responses.  But luckily for guys there’s an escape for our lack of words.  There are phrases that carry so much connotation, that we don’t even have to explain them with our pathetic excuse for words.

“Hey (first name)!! It was great seeing you last night and I had a great time, and hope you did too.  We should hang out sometime.”

I’m pretty sure all the girls out there have gotten a text message almost identical to this one at some point in their lives, and I’m pretty sure every guy has sent it as well.  So the guy just got the phone number of a girl he’s interested in, and the night before they talked, danced, and maybe drunkenly kissed.  So now it’s the morning after and the guy wants to pursue the girl in real life as opposed to just drunk life.  So he paces back and forth about what time to text her, and then after much deliberation, and after seeking advice from the whole apartment he’ll send this gem of a text.  Depending on the interplay from the previous night, the guy might throw in a reference to the previous night if he’s clever. 

The guy thinks this text is a super calculated fool-proof move.  Doesn’t come across as too demanding, just testing the waters.  But we all know what he really means and what ‘hang out” means.  The guy is in one of two boats.  Either he’s liked this girl for awhile and finally something sparked the night before so he’s going to push the envelope.  Or he met a really cool girl the night before and thinks he’s interested.  Either way, he’s trying to flatter the girl and proceed to step 2 which is clearly ‘hang out.’  Most sophisticated college guys know this is code for I’m really interested in your body and want physical pleasure as soon as possible, but he’s just hoping it get’s interpreted as “ya let’s go to Bodo’s sometime.”  If you’ve exchanged numbers, you almost have to text this the morning after to let her know you’re interested and if the feeling is reciprocal you’ll know shortly and can proceed to the go-zone.

“We need to talk”

This one sucks.  This means I’m about to tell you something that will probably make you cry.  So the girl should be prepared for the worst, and should probably take a seat somewhere.  This is the easiest way to break the news to your girlfriend that you’re about to break up with her.  Everyone knows that’s what you say when you want to have the break-up conversation.  So you pretty much have to start the conversation with this, so she’s knows what’s next.  Because if we only used our own original words, we might dilute the meaning so much that she’s confused if we’re actually breaking up.  Luckily, if you start with “we need to talk”, no matter what gibberish you say next, she knows you’re breaking up, which saves you the trouble of elaborating 5 times.

Another super important note, never ever say this before any other conversation.  No matter what problems your relationship or your families are going through, start that conversation a different way.  Because if you’re not breaking up with her, don’t put it in her mind that you might or that you’re thinking about it.  And by saying “we need to talk” her mind will wander furiously, she’ll assume the relationship is on thin ice and fear the worst until you actually talked to her.  Don’t make her do that, start other deep conversations with original quotes.  Save this one for the break-up.

“Things weren’t working out”

After a break-up, you’re back on the market.  And just like in the job market, future employers are curious as to why you’re unemployed and what went wrong at the old place.  Well in business, all employees say only positive things about the new company, and they never say negative things about the old company.  So they’ll say things like “I really like the culture here.  I just really like the people here.”  Instead of the truth which is something more like “my boss was a prick, the people were jerks and I had no opportunity to move up the corporate ladder.”

So take that same approach to dating.  You don’t need to go into all the messy details about her being controlling, the trust issues, or that she wasn’t over her ex-boyfriend yet.  Only say positive things, like I really enjoyed her company and I hope we stay friends but “things weren’t working out.”  About 95% of the people who asks will take that as plenty of information.  The other 5% should be your close friends and you owe it to them to confide in them the truth.  No matter how clean or messy the break-up was you can always hide behind “Things weren’t working out” and both reputations are saved.

Guys will continue to be terrible with words.  And girls will continue to misunderstand and misinterpret most of what we say.  But luckily, we at least have three phrases we can go to that won’t be misunderstood.

Tuesday's Tip of the Day

So I’ll start a series of weekly one liner for those that like to skim.  Every Tuesday, I’ll post a short concise tip.  These tips will be pretty broad, and at times random, but will be beneficial to those that like short posts.  Here’s your first tip:

When buying hygiene items like deodorant, shampoo, or toothpaste, always buy 2, so you make less trips to the store.

Hangover Cures

As we get into the prime of our lives, we think we’re invincible when it comes to drinking.  The college kids out there know what I’m referring to.  The nights when you feel like you can crush two 40’s in one night after pre-gaming, or when you take at least 5 shots before you even leave the apartment.  But unfortunately, even in our primes we can’t always evade the dreaded hangover.  So now we’ve gone from drunk euphoria to flat out hungover.  The fastest and most effective way to get back to our prime is not through water or food but instead by going on a long run.

DIAGNOSIS-Some people claim they’ve never been hungover, and while they might be correct, its more likely that they probably have but just didn’t know the feeling.  It’s a similar situation as to when someone has never drank before.  A person who has never drank assumes that drinking people are gone and out of it, when in fact there is plenty of middle ground when drinking.  I mean you are allowed to be buzzed and not drunk, (contrary to popular college beliefs), and you’re allowed to drink a few and still drive, so clearly there is some middle ground when it comes to drinking.  One natty doesn’t make you black out and forget everything you did. 

That person that sees alcohol drinkers as either sober or blackout is probably the person that claims they’ve never been hungover.  They carry over that same faulty logic to being hungover or fine with no middle ground.  They don’t understand there are multiple levels of a hangover.  They just believe that if they’re not throwing up the next morning, they’re not hungover.  Here’s a few symptoms to determine the level of hangover experienced.  The basic symptom is you don’t want to do anything.  It’s that you just want to crawl out of bed, turn on the TV and sit.  You don’t want to move, you don’t want to drive, you don’t want to do work, you just want to sit.  If it is a particularly bad hangover, you might have a headache and you can’t eat anything.  And the worst hangovers are when you have to throw up after sleeping.  Finally, the granddaddy of them all, when you throw up at a Raisin’ Cane’s public bathroom after barging in when your roommate was having a beer dump.  So basically, there are multiple different levels of being hungover, and people that claim they’ve never been hungover after drinking are misdiagnosing their symptoms.

Multiple college friends are super eager to tell you their hangover cure, and they normally swear by it.  (Funny side note: I’m making fun of people and by writing this post; doing the exact same thing)  Some drink lots of water the next morning, some say to eat breakfast, some advise talking Advil the night before, and some say make sure to drop a deuce.

WATER-Drinking lots of water only gets the beer taste out of your mouth and dilutes your BAC.  But the alcohol needs to leave your body somehow, and the liver can only do but so much.  By only drinking water your stomach feels empty and constricted.  Grade: B-.

FOOD-Eating breakfast helps a lot since the food absorbs the excess alcohol, lowering your BAC.  However, sometimes you’re too hungover to even eat.  When for some unexplained reason your body just won’t chew and it takes you 35 minutes to eat half a bagel.  And unfortunately eating won’t do much to your headache, and could cause you to throw up (See: Raisin’ Canes’). Grade: B

ADVIL-Taking Advil the night before is actually a terrible idea.  I’m pretty sure it thins your blood, thus increasing your BAC, and although it might help your headache, it’s not safe to do.  Grade: D

DEUCE-Dropping a deuce is a quick way to get rid of some excess alcohol.  There have definitely been times when I’ve felt like I’m deucing straight alcohol the next morning, and then I feel a ton better.  Grade B.

If you combine water, food and deucing, it’s the second best option.  Grade B+

LONG RUN-However the best cure is to go on a long run.  Drink some water before you go and force you body to be active.  Being active jumpstarts your body and your day.  You’ll feel different degrees of terrible while on the run, but after you’ll feel so much better.  By being active and sweating your body can detox itself by sweating out the alcohol.  Now after the run, you’ll be able eat fine and finish detoxing.  Also, by running you don’t waste the whole morning watching tv on the couch.  And you can get back to productive work in the afternoon. Grade A.

Different people swear by different hangover cures, but for a runner like me, going on a long run is the fastest and most effectively way to cure a hangover and not waste your entire morning feeling terrible.  So first let me set my morning alarm, and then pour me a drink.