Quote it

Wakey wakey eggs and bakey. Except it's eggables and fakon.

Miko's guilty pleasure--Bachelorette

So I have a confession to make.  Two weeks ago I watched at least 90 minutes of the bachelorette.  I had a second TV on the side to monitor the Orioles however.  One the great things about the Clark house is we have multiple average TVs.  {Dad, if you’re reading this can you get HDTV soon?  So when I visit my “parents house” I can watch HDTV.}  So normally there are two baseball games on, but Mom took over the command station and wanted to watch the Bachelorette.  And I’m so thankful I made it through an entire episode so I can blog about it.  (Second confession: I watched the following two episodes in their entirety)

For those of you with more important things to do with your time (if that’s possible), the basic premise of the bachelorette is to get ridiculously good-looking people who have plenty of money but one huge character flaw and let them interact.  Let the guys get mad at each other and let the girl start 25 relationships on the same date and cut them off one by one until you’re down to 2.  And then all of a sudden she needs to marry one.  What?! The second biggest decision of your life on national TV for all to watch.  And not to mention you’re putting your “sea” in the hands of ABC and let them narrow down your future spouse to 25* people.

Oh and your entire relationship is televised on national TV.  Like you could talk about anything substantial to a national audience.  Sure they ask if he’s ready to be a dad or how many kids she wants, but I feel like they don’t talk and feel as if they can’t talk about serious stuff couples should talk about.

A quick critic of the show itself.  Most of the show is them talking about how they feel about the date.  They never say anything important, it’s just a recap and say how nice it was and how sweet it is.  Blah Blah blah.  And the other part is kissing.  Lots of kisses.  Making out.  I hate watching kissing scenes.  With my mom.  So that’s what you’re missing: recaps and kissing, it’s like a train wreck and I haven’t turned away.

Bachelorette drinking game:  Their recaps and introductions are not unique either.  So a possible drinking game is to drink every time someone says “I missed you.” “I’m excited to see you.” Or “I just love being with him.”

So I don’t recommend watching the Bachelorette unless you need to throw up or want a conversation topic with me.

I’m not going to pick a winner for you enthusiasts out there but I will give you my Mom’s prediction quote:   “People normally go with their make out buddy and it never works out”

*I don’t know how many people start out and didn’t want to research it

Monday Quote Time

My wife hasn't even been born yet -anonymous

Financial Tip of the Day

Spend less than you make

Quote This

After getting a speeding ticket:

--Did you try to get off?

--"He didn't let me. He must have been gay"

Finance 101

I hope to revisit this topic frequently throughout the blog but we’ll see.  I’ll begin with some weekly tips I have about finance and you’ll quickly wonder how I actually got a finance degree.

Debt is not terrible and is defined as money we owe to someone else.  Like for instance, Chelsea is in debt to me.  She owes me $60 from Foxfields.  Luckily she isn’t being charged interest like car payments or credit card companies do.  Anyway, you do not want debt in things that depreciate in value, instead use debt on things that increase in value.

------Bad things to have debt on:  Credit Cards and Cars

It’s much better to pay off your credit card each month and better to pay for your car in full.

------Good things to have debt on: Real Estate and You

A mortgage is a great financial tool to invest in real estate.  Basically a mortgage is a big loan from a bank with a very low interest rate because the loan is secured by the house.  Real estate allows you to lock in a fixed payment and pay it off over 30 years, the house will have increased in value so you’ll have successfully invested and own something you never could have paid for in a lump sum.  Also the interest of a home mortgage is tax-deductible to encourage home-buying.

And finally you increase in value over time.  After an education, we are worth more, so if you can’t pay for your education in full it makes sense to get debt in yourself.

So avoid debt and the interest payments as much as possible unless it involves a house or higher education.

Things shouted at runners

I had a very clever shout out the other day that sparked this short blog post which runners should enjoy (and post the ones I forgot) and others should take note of.  I added my aside comments in parenthesis to each.

Standard

A wave (perfect and appreciated)

A lone finger acknowledging your presence without letting go of the wheel (I’ll take it)

(Honk Honk) (perfect and appreciated)

Almost there!! (Every race volunteer says this after 10% of the race is done, come on!)

Run Forest Run! (You’re not clever)

Nice thighs! (You’re probably insecure about you’re body but my mine looks great and my white muscular thighs)

Who wears short shorts?! (That’s what she said)

Flirty

Heyy sexyyyy (Always feels good)

Looooooking good (Don’t hate it)

Take it off! (Sorry, felt like a jogger today so I left my shirt on)

Mean

A lone finger that isn’t the pointer while letting go of the wheel (Someone’s in a bad mood)

Put a shirt on! (You just jealous)

Other side of the road (No thanks)

Get off the road! (Where am I suppose to go? Not trying to be fat like you)

Dogs

Arf Arf! (Glad there’s a fence)

RUFF RUFFF!! (Please be an electric fence, please be an electric fence)

Don’t worry he won’t bite. (I’m worried, because that’s what the last one said)

Back! Back! Get back here Rusty! (Dumb dog)

He never acts like this, So sorry. (Heard that one a million times)

Oh he’s just playing with you (I would prefer not to play)

Private property {As two dogs surround the runner about to attack} (Sucks)

Strange

Where’s your hydration? (Where’s your hair?)

Hmm. Who’s chasing you? (Loved it)

So next time you see me running, don’t be a dad and ask where’s your hydration and don’t say run forest run, be creative and clever and maybe I’ll remember it.  Or just honk or wave and that will suffice.

Monday Quote of The Week #?

Do I tithe 10% before or after taxes?

Belated Monday Quote of the Week

Someone's phone just vibrate. Actually that was my butt.

Tip of the day

Call your parents and tell them you love them.

The Perfect Girl

Most hormone filled guys constantly have their eyes open for a possible girlfriend, it's instinct.  While we’re still young, we’re looking for the dream girl.  The dream girl is different for every person, but I feel like in college we don’t compromise in looking for our dream girl.  After college, we might make a few concessions.  Furthermore, if we’re 33 and still single, we’ve compromised enough that’s we’re just trying to mate to continue to our family name.  But, I digress.  We’re talking about the dream girl.

Rose-Colored Glasses - One of the best things about meeting a new girl is that they have no personality flaws.  There’s so much mystery to them, that we don’t imagine personality flaws we just imagine what we want, filling in the gaps with ideal hopes.  And on top of that, if the new girl we meet passes the physical description of dream girl (once again different for every guy), we put on the rose-colored glasses.

Hooked - After the rose-colored glasses are put on, the girl can do no wrong.  There isn’t anything she can say that will hamper our opinion of her.  I mean she started out a dream girl, and she’ll stay that way for a little bit.  So you might make some small talk, and she’ll say something about herself.  Most of the time it doesn’t matter what she says, but you’ll feel like she said the perfect thing.  Your heart will start racing and you’ll think, “She’s perfect for me.”  She could say something as simple as oh I love skiing, and instantly you’re hooked.

About 9 strikes - After the rose-colored glasses and the hook, the dream girl becomes a baseball inning with about 9 strikes.  Once the guy is hooked, it will take multiple efforts from the girl to deter him.  I mean you started out as the dream girl, and he felt like there’s a connection, so he’ll hang around for a little while for sure, I mean it takes awhile to get up to 9 strikes.

Guys, continue to dream big, but know that you embellish what you don’t know about the girl.  And girls, tread softly for you tread on our dreams.

Easiest Classes at UVA

This might have been significantly more helpful if I had posted this when people were signing up for classes, but oh well, there’s always next semester…for some of us.  I believe I have enough validity to write about this subject because how I view class scheduling.

Some people take classes they’re interested in.  Some people take the easy way out.  I’m the latter, and have taken quite a selection of gut classes in my time here.  (“Gut” means easy)  Some people would rather get a B and feel as if they’ve really learned something, I’d rather have an A and not know anything about the class a month later.  I don’t believe what you learn in class is that applicable later.  A college diploma means that graduate is trainable and how you get that diploma isn’t too important.  If you can pass college level classes, it tells a company you can be trained to operate in the real world.  So here are the five easiest classes I took at UVA:

1         COMM 180 – Introduction to Business – Taught by Robert Kemp, who has a billion stories about China, Japan, drinking with colleagues, and so forth and so on.  The tests are similar to a vocabulary test, and are all multiple choice.  He’ll convince you you’ll need to get the Wall Street Journal.  Don’t.  Resist it just like when you’ll tell your mechanic you just want an oil change and not every fluid imaginable in your car changed.

2         ASTR 121 – Sky and Solar System – I took this class without buying the book.  I only took notes when the professor wrote it on the board (Best advice “ratemyprofessor.com” has ever given me).  The tests are fairly easy, especially if you like math and science.  Make sure you go to the outdoor lab where you will find the coolest laser pointer known to man.

3         COMM 331 – Commercial Law -- Don’t waste your time buying the book.  Just come to class and pay attention to the examples, most of them involve drinking anyway.  The tests are open note, but not like science open note where the answer isn’t in your notes.  In this class, all your answers are in your notes, so just print off the notes before the test, and use common sense.

4         DRAM 208 – History of the Circus – Most entertaining gut class ever.  You’ll quickly realize this class is really easy when 4 defense starters on the football team walk in the first day.  We watched 30 minutes of video clips minimum per class.  I got free tickets to the circus in Richmond, and we had clowns give a performance in class.  It’s just too entertaining.  It meets some historical study requirement, and you only have 2 tests to take, and no papers.

5         EVSC 101 – Introduction to Environmental Science – Tom Smith is a boss.  He literally wore exactly what I would wear to class.  Jeans and a full zip black hoodie.  I didn’t buy the book, just ran through the Powerpoints before the test.  It’s a very skippable class.

Fun fact: none of these classes met on a Friday, so if you research hard enough on class scheduling you can have your cake and eat it too.

FOMO's

You’re in college and you want to have the most fun.  You’re free to do anything and have no limits.  You want to be plugged in to everything that’s happening because god forbid, you miss out on a fun time.  You’re disappointed when somewhere else fun is happening, and you’re not there.  There’s a lot of these people running around, and I like to call them FOMO’s, (fear of missing out-ers).

Non-committal - These are the people that never commit to anything.  They stay on the fence and don’t want to be tied down by one activity.  They’re constantly waiting and hoping that something better will come along and they won’t miss out.  As a first year, these people constantly wander the halls just checking on what other people are doing, sort of monitoring.  If you ask them if they have any plans, they’ll say “no plans, just seeing what’s going on?”  In the worst case, I’ve heard FOMOs explain how they use their free time with only wishy washy philosophical jargon: “I’m really spontaneous, and love having spontaneous fun, like if you said let’s go camping tonight, I would totally do it” 

Rant on spontaneity - Here’s a quick rant at those philosophical types.  There aren’t enough people or opportunities to sustain spontaneous fun all the time.  You can have really fun spontaneous days, but most days, spontaneous people sit waiting around for something to happen, just waiting.  Everyone else has some type of schedule they use to keep their life straight.  Maybe you should too.

First year FOMO’s (FYFOMO's) - Many first years are scared to commit a day, an afternoon, or a weekend to something.  They’re scared they’ll miss something at UVA.  They’re scared that while they’re away, so much fun will happen, so many better things will take place and they’ll be outside the fun circle.  Reality check, most weekends at college are about the same.  Seen one, seen them all (exception: Halloween).  The weekend you give up can be replaced by a basically identical experience the next weekend.  But that special weekend commitment doesn’t happen every weekend.  You don’t a second chance at that.  Be committal and adventurous and do something different, even if you have to give up your whole weekend, because honestly a standard weekend at college is not as valuable as you think.

Opportunity Cost - These FOMO’s live their lives constantly searching for the next thing instead of enjoying the present as much as they should.  It’s hard to look at a situation and constantly say that this is best option for me, that this is the most fun, that there is no place I’d rather be than right here.  But if you can do that or at least act like it, if you can honestly be happy about where you are all the time, you’ll be a whole lot more fun to be around.

Spacey - Another problem with FOMOs is that they are not much fun to be around, they never give you their undivided attention.  Their fun radar is constantly searching for maximizing fun, so their eyes and minds wander as they converse with you, and then you just feel disrespected.  Stop worrying about missing out, most of the time the thing you’re doing is the best option, so give it your full attention and others will enjoy your company a lot more.

So, don’t be a FOMO, commit to things, and give each situation your full attention.

Who does more work?

In college we run into friends in passing all the time.  Between classes, at the dining hall, out on the town, a bunch of different places.  Most quick conversations go something like this.  One person asks how the other is doing.  The other complains about the work they have.  The first person gives their condolences and then counters with their own complaints about their work.  Most of the time they don’t even wait until the question has been re-asked.  Misery has company.  Here’s a novel idea and a true challenge to most:  Don’t talk about all the work you have to do, talk about something else.

If you actually accept this challenge, you’ll quickly realize how much (or how little) you complain about work.  You realize how much of the conversation was spent talking about papers, projects, and teachers.

We all go to UVA, we all have homework.  Let’s not be competitive about who has it worse.  Let’s not go around complaining and comparing workloads.  Don’t think and complain about having a paper due and an exam on the same day, think about how lucky you are that you’re getting a degree from college.  Think about how you’re slated to earn a million more dollars in your career than a non-collegian.  Think about how fortunate you are to spend four years in college around some of the coolest people you’ll ever meet.  Think about all those things, and then decide if having 3 exams in 2 days is worth complaining about to someone you only see once a week.

If we stop talking about the work we have to do, we can start talking about each other’s actual life.  Because in real friendships, you talk about more things than whether or not they’ll make a 5 PM deadline for that 12 page paper.  Once we stop talking about our work, we can talk about how we’re really doing.  About how we’re feeling, about our family, about our friends, about our experiences, about the things that actually matter.

Jorts--An American Tradition

So I scanned the internet for an article supporting wearing jorts.  Funny thing, I couldn’t find any, so I wrote my own.  From all the negative stereotyping, it’s possible that standard jorts-wearing people don’t waste time writing articles to an audience of 4, but I do.

What are Jorts?  Before I delve into the deep political, economical, and social benefits of jorts, I need to quickly define what is and what are not jorts.  Jorts are denim jeans that were first long legged.  But, after some wear, enough to break in the jeans, the owner decides to cut them off.  There is much debate as to the proper location to cut the jeans, but the best length is 3-4 inches above the knee, and it has to be above the knee; if you’re looking for a tailor I recommend Kevin Carter.  When cutting, make sure to take your time and use a sharp knife or scissors to keep the fray under control.  You’re hoping for a snug feel and the freedom to let your knees breathe beneath a small fray.

When can I wear them?  Seeing people in jorts is definitely a privilege, especially since it’s hard to pull it off in the standard public, especially if you’re looking to be employable in a few months.  To wear jorts you need three things:  Friends, America and Beer.  Luckily that’s not too restrictive, but it does cancel out class.  Here are a few great examples of when jorts are acceptable and possibly encouraged.  Playing corn-hole on the weekend.  Going to a theme-party.  Going Camping.  Going to your first NASCAR race.  Riding an ATV.  The goal when wearing jorts is to be outside in America with a cold beverage in your hand at all times, so that’s the opportunity you’re looking for.  Theme parties might sound like a stretch until we look at the political, economical, and social benefits.

What are the benefits?  The instant political benefit is everyone knows you love America, and that’s a big deal.  The first economical benefit is extending the shelf-life of your jeans.  If you’re jeans are tattered around the ankles or you got a few too many grass stains or stepped in who knows what, just make them into jorts, and save yourself from throwing them out or hiding them in the duldrums of your closet.  The second economical benefit is you won’t have to buy nice beer, because you can’t drink Stella when wearing jorts.  The social benefits are by far the best.  If you’ve followed the rules of jorts-wearing, you’ll be in a great spot.  Socially you’ll be outside enjoying America with cold beverages and having a good time with your friends.  The other benefit is people can’t NOT talk about them.  If you’re with someone where they don’t know what to talk about, I guarantee they'll eventually say “I like your jorts.”  This line isn’t always a compliment, but it’s always a talking point and boom, social benefit.

Jorts may never be fashionable, but they’ll always be comfortable and American.

Cell Phone Ringtones

Here’s a fun game to play with your family, or better yet your significant other’s family.  At any family gathering, especially holidays, tell everyone to take out their cell phones and play their ringer and you try to guess which person has which ringer.  Here’s a quick description of the types of people you’ll run into based solely on their ringtone.

Silent -  College kid.  No one else’s time is that important.  They don’t want to bother others with their phone going off.  Actual calls are clearly less important than text messages because they miss basically every call.  They love deciding when to check their phone, possibly when actual face to face conversations have died, and they also love having missed texts.  You know, that feeling when you check your phone and boom, 6 new text messages.  Ah, that’s a good day.

Vibrate-  College kid still looking for a job.  They’ve recently changed to vibrate after missing a few unknown number phone calls.  They hold onto hope that the call is from a prospective employer when most of the time it turns out to be some random number or something unimportant and further validates why they don’t answer unknown numbers.  They like knowing when their texts have arrived, but they don’t immediately respond to texts, and still use texting to avoid lulls in the conversation.

“All the single ladies” ringtone – Clearly the wild aunt.  She may or may not be married.  She’s trying to stay hip with the girls.  She’s also really excited that she knows how to work a smart phone and thinks it will impress the younger crowd.  If your family doesn’t have a wild aunt, the prototype you’re looking for comes from Mean Girls.

“Riding Dirty” ringtone – Cousin who forgot to upgrade.  This is the guy that was cool back in the day.  Remember 4 years ago when everyone had this ringtone.  Unfortunately the real life hit this cousin like a train wreck and they’ll never gotten around to upgrading their ringtone or their phone.

“Loud Beeps” - Parents.  They’re happy with their lives and really like all the gadgets on their cell phones.  Unfortunately they can never agree on a ringtone.  They say things like “I just want it to sound a normal telephone ring.” Well of course, there are no options like that on current cell phones.  When it rings, they hop around and try to locate where they put it last.  Often they pick up their spouse’s phone by mistake, before correcting themselves.

“Deafening Beeps” Grand-parents.  They were forced to get a cell-phone to put their children at ease.  We’ll use it for emergencies only, or just when we’re out driving.  So reluctantly the grand-parents got the phone and use it more than they expected.  --Side Note: Don’t text grandparents.  I recently checked my grandpa’s and they were 7 unread messages dating back 18 months.-- Even though many people didn’t know phone ringtones could reach this decibel level, it doesn’t bother or affect the grandparents.  They’ll be having a friendly conversation and their phone will go off.  Everyone in the room will acknowledge it except for them.  They’ll continue nodding with the conversation.  Someone will chime it, “your phone is ringing.”  “What?”  “Your PHONE is ringing!”  This interchange will happen long enough so they miss the call.

That’s the funny thing about cell phones.  It goes full circle.  Kids don’t pick up the phone because they don’t have enough time to talk and grandparents don’t pick up because they don’t have enough time to pick up.  Either way both calls go unanswered.

Tuesday's Tip of the Day #9

When eating at a dining hall, especially newcomb, always remember 'fork first'

Quotable Mondays #9

"On a Scale of 1 to 10... where should I go to find a shot glass?"

What is ABW?

ABW is a theme my apartment has lived by for the last two years.  More succinctly, it’s a way of life.  It describes what we’re doing most often when we’re in the apartment, and quite frankly we’ve gotten very good at it after two years.

ABW stands for Anything But Work.  This can be anything you choose to do, and the only rule is you must have work you should be doing instead.  Reading Sports Illustrated in the hammock is ABW.  So is watching country music videos on CMT.  So is stalking Facebook for 30 minutes to find that girl from class.  As is scouring the internet for funny videos to show your friends.  As is taking a 30 minute power nap so your eyes are well rested to read for biology.  Talking to your roommates about your day is ABW.  Watching the end of a sports game where the outcome is certain and has been certain for the last 10 minutes is ABW.  Throwing the volleyball in the apartment, mainly to prove that your parents don’t reign over you anymore because they can’t tell you to stop, is ABW.  So ABW is seemingly limitless.

The benefits of ABW. One of the best parts of ABW is telling it to someone else.  What are you guys doing today?  Probably just ABW. -- You can act like you have a schedule or something you’re actually suppose to do when in fact it means you don’t have plans at all.  Or better yet, saying I have a lot of ABW to do.  This makes you sound important.  It makes you feel valued.  I’m a busy man and my time is important, and I don’t know if I’ll be able to do all the ABW I want to do, when in fact it’s an oxymoron saying you have a lot of nothing to do.

Next time, you’re procrastinating and someone asks you what you’re doing, don’t talk about procrastination or work.  Calmly respond with “just catching up on some ABW.”

The Art of Eating an Oreo

One of my favorite treats of being at home is eating Oreos.  This might be one of the best midnight snacks ever created, and I don’t have it at college enough because mama can’t buy me Oreos there.  Some people claim, similar to Reese’s, that there is no wrong way to eat an Oreo.  This is a bold-faced lie.  There are plenty of wrong ways to eat Oreos, but I know there is at least one correct way.

Eating only two Oreos– WRONG! Really, the marginal utility of an Oreo barely decreases from the first Oreo until the 10th.  Eating only two is a weak compromise to your conscience.  When you snack on Oreo’s, you should go big or go home.

Twist off and lick the cream – WRONG! This is cool…if you’re 8.  It takes too long and isn’t more enjoyable than normal snacking.

Eating without milk – WRONG! It’s not terrible.  Oreos are still really good, but there is so much synergy with milk that without milk, you’re not unleashing the full potential of the Oreo.

Eating Single Stuf – WRONG! It’s not really an Oreo, it’s just a cookie.  The icing ratio doesn’t cut it, and you’re left asking yourself if you actually had a treat.

Making a quadruple stuff – WRONG! You might know this technique.  A double twist off to start, and then combining the two icing halves (while eating the remaining cookie halves themselves).  Don’t get me wrong, this is really good.  But it falls apart too easily and it’s like eating straight cream.  If you’re dying for straight white sugar, just sneak into mama’s cabinet and eat cake icing instead.

Which brings us to the correct way…

Earn the Right to Be Naughty

Eating Oreos properly takes planning.  A key factor is knowing that you won’t just eat two Oreos, you know you’ll eat at least a sleeve (1/3 of the box).  As Alex Clark knows, this is being naughty.  So if you know you’re going to be naughty you need to counter the effects with rigorous activity during the day.  So make sure you’ve gotten adequate exercise and have earned the right to be naughty.

Avoid distractions and make sure you indulge under the cover of nightfall

If you’re earned the right, you need to wait until its dark outside so no one else can see your naughty acts, a crucial Oreo eating component.  So pour yourself a cup of milk in a breakfast glass with ample diameter for dunking.  Make sure you’re focused on eating and not on watching TV.  Also, you shouldn’t drink any milk until you’re finished eating Oreos or else the milk level gets too low for dunks.

Proper technique maximizes synergy

Now you’re ready to indulge.  Grab your double-stuf (yes it MUST be double stuf) Oreo with two fingers on just one of the cookies.  Gently dunk it in the milk, submerging it as much as you can without getting the fingers wet.  Let it rest for 2-3 seconds.  You don’t want it to be too soggy, or worse break off and sink to the bottom of the cup, a huge setback in an Oreo eating night.  Then gently remove the Oreo and eat in one bite.  The soft cookie won’t slow down your teeth as they immediately savor the cream, but as you chew you’ll be glad a little bit of the cookie is dry and adds a delectable small crunch.  Enjoy every chew, especially because there’s a lot of calories in an Oreo and you’ll be eating a full sleeve.  Repeat the process until you feel naughty.  Most of the times it takes me about a sleeve but sometimes 6 cookies will work.  However don’t do less than 4, eating Oreos is an event that’s needs to be fully enjoyed and savored.

Oreo-eating is an art, and I consider myself an artist when I’m pounding through a sleeve of Oreos and milk at midnight and you should too.

Tuesday's Tip of the Day #8

Write down all the contents of your wallet, so when you lose it, you'll know exactly what you've lost.

Quotable Mondays #8

Guest Lecturer in a Business Class

Topic: Bill Clinton

Quote: "It was a blow to his perceived character"

Quotable Mondays #7

If your offense is apathy, what is their defense?

Let it Snow...

Growing up isn’t fun.  It changes your perspective on so many things.  Halloween, Fridays, and Spring Break go through radically changes as we grow up.  Halloween is a great holiday as a kid, stinks as a high schooler, makes a strong comeback in college and fades to irrelevancy in the adult world.  Fridays are nothing special growing up, date night in high school, fun Fridays in college, and another 8+ hour workday as an adult.  Spring break is a welcome reprieve in high school, absolutely necessary in college, and non-existent in the adult world.  Depending on our stage in life, we perceive things differently.

Here I sit, feeling like a grandma watching the snow magically dance to the ground piling up like a white blanket.  And thinking how precious it is to watch mother nature in all its splendor.  As I get lost imagining Narnia coming to life right outside my window, I’m reminded of my checklist for Sunday, and how “watch the snow” was never on it.  I’m reminded with each passing minute when I’m not studying that I won’t get that time back, and just hoping the accounting test isn’t difficult…

Remember the good ole days.  When it was bedtime, aka 930, and snow had just began to stick on the deck.  You would run to the window, look out, and gleefully come back, constantly checking and rechecking the accumulation.  And once there was a significant amount (1/4 inch), you knew schools were closed, and tomorrow would one of the best days of the year, a snow day.  Where have those days gone?

Snow today means it will be super cold outside, classes will go on as scheduled.  No deadlines will be pushed back.  No tests will be avoided.  There will be no neighborhood snowball fights.  Nor snow cream.  All that will happen is we’ll have to trudge through snow to class as scheduled feeling tired, miserable, and old.

No matter what walking to class to take a test is miserable whether you studied enough or not, so you might as well enjoy a front row seat to a snowstorm now, because you never know when they’ll happen again.

You’re fast becoming the person you’re going to be

Often times, we like to imagine the person we’re going to be later.  Later is very broad and can mean later as in when we go to college..., when we have a job..., when we live on our own..., or when we’re married... 

I know I used to imagine these things, and I would naturally take a very optimistic viewpoint of myself and not imagine the baggage or problems I currently have in my life.  I figured I’d have them all fixed or figured out by then, like a fresh start.  It was as if the person I was picturing wasn’t even exactly me, that it was instead a new and completely different person.  The sad truth is that doesn’t happen.  You never get to press reset in life or wipe away all your problems by crossing a milestone in your life.  Instead, you realize you’re quickly becoming the person you’re going to be.

Do you think husbands have similar problems as college kids?  Your first thought might be “of course not,” they’re two completely different people.  Slightly incorrect, that person who is a husband now was a college kid before.  They don’t have to be two different people, just two different stages.  The problems we have stick with the person and are not confined to a certain stage of life.  If you have anger problems in college, have shallow relationships, or you want every girl you see, those problems don’t go away just because you have a ring.  You’re still going to battle all those issues daily.  You can’t change the person just by changing the situation.

Our person and personality is continuous at all points of our life.  Change can happen, but it happens slowly and must be catalyzed by an interior motive.  Just because we move into a different stage in our life doesn’t mean our personality drastically changes all of a sudden.  We’re still the same person we were with the same great qualities and same glaring flaws. 

So today, in this moment, think about the person you want to be.  What does that person do or say?  How do they treat their friends, family, and acquaintances?  Now, think about the person you are today.  If today, you’re not the person you want to be, when is that change going to happen?  And sadly it doesn’t happen just by growing older as most people think.

Tuesday's Tip of the Day #7

Don't Lie

Quotable Mondays #6

Last week's was Sam Hawkins

This week:

"I had to read a 700 page book on the grain prices in Southern France.  It changed my life."

Krispy Kreme Challenge

On February 4^th I did these things:

1.       Ran 2.5 Miles, Ate 12 Krispy Kreme Doughnuts, Ran 2.5 Miles

2.       Threw up all over the finish line

3.       Ate 13 more Krispy Kreme Doughnuts.

Wait, I lied.  I actually didn’t do all those things.  I never threw up.  I saw a bunch of others fail the challenge, but I didn’t.

The Krispy Kreme challenge is a race that combines some of my specialties.  Running, eating, and free Krispy Kreme doughnuts.  The challenge is pretty simple.

• Run from the bell tower to the Krispy Kreme store. (2.5 miles)
• Eat a dozen Krispy Kreme doughnuts
• Run back (2.5 miles)
• Complete it in under an hour and don’t vomit.

I’ve done this the past two years, and it’s been an amazing time.  In fact, everything leading up to the trip is amazing and I’ll share why.

Training - In the month leading up to the race, I can use the race as an excuse for my terrible eating habits.  Miko, is that you’re third slice of Runk pizza? Ya, I’m training.  Why are eating so fast? I’m training.  Why did you bring a box of doughnuts to cross-country practice? I’m training.  Are you seriously just going to eat those doughnuts while we actually run?  I’m training, and the eating part is the most important.  So no matter what you’re doing, you can always bring up the race and fit it into your training regime.

Adventures - Also, any trip to North Carolina is awesome.  North Carolina always has warmer weather and encourages adventures.  We thought we would ride through State’s (in North Carolina, State means NC State) campus.  Boy, were we wrong!  We wanted to turn right at three consecutively intersections, but they were all one way streets.  So we went where North Carolina wanted us to go, Pullen Park.  We saw it off the side of the road.  Basically, it was an amusement park for 8 year olds.  And yes we definitely went and played on their swing sets, and felt like 3^rd graders again.

In the previous race, North Carolina drew us to a party.  At the hotel where we were staying, Ashley was having her sweet 16 birthday party.  We dropped by.  It didn’t matter that we had no idea who Ashley was or were 5 years older than everybody there , it was where North Carolina wanted us to go.

Spoils - The next great thing about the Krispy Kreme race is the free doughnuts afterward.  Almost everyone else has developed a taste aversion to doughnuts by then, but not us.  We simply drive back to the store, and there are trash bags full of unopened untouched boxes.  Probably 15 trash bags with 15 boxes of 12 doughnuts.  That’s about 2400 doughnuts, for free.  So obviously we grab two trash bags and drive home with about 400 doughnuts for free.  The next week we get to test our economic diminshing marginal utility theory.  Since the cost of eating another doughnut is practically 0, when will we stop eating?  As it turns out, our apartment eats doughnuts like we're trapped in a doughnut store and have to eat our way out.

Cookout - And the final amazing thing about the challenge is eating at Cookout.  Cookout is a North Carolina staple serving inexpensive American food out their windows for years.  A trip to Cookout not only completes the unhealthy trip, but makes you love the simpler times in the South.

The Krispy Kreme Challenge guarantees an unhealthy, adventurous trip every year with plenty of “free” calories.

Does your car have these items?

I come from a very practical family.  My dad is a constant planner.   One of my brothers is an accountant.  They love minimizing risk by planning and sometimes overplanning.  They understand that our time is a precious commodity, and we hate wasting time doing unnecessary things.  So I’m a by-product of my family, and I fully believe in the precautions we set up for each of our vehicles.

Let’s apply this minimizing risk theme to cars.  Cars are a huge mystery to me.  I feel like there was a "man" class I missed in middle school where they taught every guy how to change the oil, what makes a hemi engine different, and what fuel-injected means.  I don’t know any of those things.  I do know that I can pay money to have my oil changed and that hemis and fuel injected something costs more money (what’s up Comm School).

Anyway, I’ve learned that there are 4 things I need in every car to minimize risk.  To minimize the fact that I might waste my time due to car trouble that I should have avoided.

Jumper Cables - The first problem to mitigate is when a car won’t move.  So make sure you have jumper cables in your car.  So if the battery is beat, you can hail a friend or parking lot neighbor and hopefully get your car back in action.  Or you can help out a friend or someone you want to be your friend (nudge nudge) when they ask if you have jumper cables, or at the very worst you can be a good Samaritan to someone.

Flashlight - The next thing you should have in your car is a flashlight.  As trivial as this sounds, it is all kinds of practical when its dark and you’re in trouble.  Whether you’re looking under the hood of your car, or when your dad threw his state championship ring out the window, or when you’re hiking down humpback rock after watching the sunset.  In all those situations, a flashlight comes in pretty handy.

State Map - You should also have a state map in your car.  This thing helps all the time.  Especially, as we get older and our friends start branching out.  I understand the GPS is replacing this item, but I worry that we’re becoming too dependent on the GPS.  Like I’ve met people that don’t even know how to fold a map yet alone read it.  Have a map, and brush up on your skills, because it will help you.

Hide-a-Key - Finally, and most importantly, get a hide-a-key for your car.  This is the story I hear far too often from my friends.

You won’t believe what happened to me…I was out late at night (or on vacation) and I locked myself out of my car at the worst possible time.

Any time you’re locked out of your car is the worst possible time.  No one thinks to themselves, you know what, if I locked myself out of my car right now, I wouldn’t mind.  There are approximately zero situations where that makes sense, and definitely zero if you’re alone.

“You won’t believe…”  No I definitely will believe if you don’t have a hide-a-key.  It happens to all of us.  Our system gets messed up, things are out of order, we're confused.  And boom, worst possible time.  Well if you have a hide-a-key, this situation will never happen.  And trust me if you get locked out of your car just once and you already invested in a hide-a-key, it’s more than paid for itself.

So plan ahead, minimize your risk, put jumper cables, a state map, a flashlight, and a hide-a-key in your car and you’ll thank me later.

Tuesday's Tip of the Day #6

Do not schedule a class directly after a phys ed class.

Everyone will be happier.

Quotable Mondays #5

"I'm just going ground it up and brown it"

>That's what she said...

Best Relationship Advice

Getting golfing advice is ironic because the golfers who should be giving you advice never do, and the golfers that have never broken 100 love to tell you how to fix your slice.  I’m pretty sure the dating world is no different, where people with no business giving advice love to tell you how to live your life.  But anyway, I’m going to offer my best piece of advice to anyone going through relationship issues.  Mind you, I’m probably the golfer who hasn’t broken 100, since I haven’t dated in, well, awhile.

“No matter what, you have to do what’s right for you”

Insider Perspective - It’s so hard to make the correct decision when you’re directly involved.  From an outsider perspective, it’s so much easier, normally a black and white decision.  But when you’re involved there are so many other variables in play, idiosyncrasies, and so many emotions.  Sometimes it’s almost impossible to sort through the fluff to find the right information you need to decide what to do.

Timeline Planning - Often times when you’re considering a break-up, you try to foresee the problems that will develop.  Oh I shouldn’t do this now because Valentine’s day is coming up or her birthday or prom.  Or she has my CD’s or my favorite hoodie and I need to get those back before I call it quits.  This is clearly terrible logic.  However, in the heat of moment you might even make these arguments and defend them.  “Let me just wait until after Valentine’s Day…”  Worrying about trivial future events should not affect your decision today.  If you’re only waiting for an opportune time to break up, you’re really just disrespecting her by dragging her along.  If the break up happens sooner, then the recovery happens sooner too.

Sunk Costs - Other times, people will defend irrational points.  Many times these will be sunk costs in their decisions.  Well I just gave her this gift.  Well, we kind of sloppily made out.  Or I just met her parents.  Don’t kid yourself into thinking sunk costs should affect your future behavior.  Just because you spent money on her or kissed her while you were drunk doesn’t mean you should keep dragging her along.

Stinkin’ Emotions - Another reason someone gets sidetracked in the decision making process is they let their emotions get in the way.  They care too much for how it will affect the other person.  She’ll be crushed, and crying inconsolably and I don’t know if I can deal with that.  I also don’t want to be the person who caused that.  Sorry buddy, if you don’t want to break a girl’s heart, then don’t take it.  Sadly, she will be crushed and you’ll feel terrible for making a girl cry.  But if it wasn’t right for you, don’t fake it, it only makes it worse.  And eventually the girl will thank you too because it would have been worse to continue to fake it.  Finally, girls will understand that it’s better to have loved and lost then to have never have loved at all.

Dealing with emotions and relationships stink.  Making hard decisions stink.  Hurting someone else stinks.  But in the end you have to do what’s right for you no matter how bad it feels.  Because if you’ve thought about it, it’s what’s best for the long term.

Tuesday's Tip of the Day #5

Buy drinking glasses with flat bottoms, such that after they're washed in the dishwasher, there is no residual water left in the crevice.

Quotable Mondays #4

Last week's quote will remain anonymous to protect the innocent.

This week:

"I should have dumped her before the dance, so I wouldn't have had to buy that damn flower"

"My" Dog

They say dogs can sense fear.  They say dogs play with the most scared person in the room.  They say the dog is just having fun.  Well I’m not having fun, I’m living a nightmare.

Whenever I’m in a room with a dog, I can promise you I’m the most scared, and any dog can sense it.  I’m not a fan of dogs, they’re not a fan of me.  When I visit a house with a dog, I’m hopeless.  I’ll try to hide the fact that I’m deathly afraid, but the truth is I’m as tense as someone with a two by four up theirs.

Traumatic Moment - I was bit by a dog in 3^rd grade.  I tried to put the bowl of food real close to the dog, and it simply protected its bowl but biting my hand.  I went from a cocky younger brother to a sulking scared little boy.  I remember distinctly looking at the bite mark.  His canine had pierced the fat of my palm, and I looked quickly to survey the damage.  As I stared into my hand I could see my purple muscles and fibers as blood had yet to fill the wound.  I kept looking as if I were seeing a poster from biology class, and as I tried to make sense of the situation, I almost fainted.

Running Encounters - I also run quite often.  Dogs hate intruders and perceive runners as intruders.  Just ask any mailman how dogs treat them.  And I know exactly what they’re talking about.  Now that I run farther than before, I like getting out to rural roads.  You know the scenes with hard packed gravel roads, hay bales, and no electric fences.  Every dog feels obligated to protect their turf.  So they lurk out in the front yards and wait until we’re vulnerable and then hop out and start barking.  I guess they’re alerting their owner that some measly runner is close to the property.  And they don’t leave either.  They bark constantly, and tail you, and all in all pester you.  Some critics claim the dog just wants to play.  Well that’s the last thing I want to do.  I’m just trying to run on a public road bite-free.

From my first bite to every running encounter I have with dogs, our relationship has not improved.  I make it very clear to my friends and acquaintances that I don’t mix well with dogs.  And normally I make the drastic claim that I don’t like dogs.  Almost everyone is completely shocked by this.  Whoa, really, what about (name random dog breed that I don’t know)?  Nope don’t like them either, and they won’t like me.  Well then there’s always someone in the room that says this,

“Well what about my dog? You like my dog, don’t you”

Non-discriminatory - I’m sorry, I don’t.  I don’t discriminate at all.  I don’t like your dog, your neighbor’s dog or anyone else’s dog.  Most people can’t reconcile this.  They can’t fathom how someone could not love their pride and joy as they do.  Well it’s pretty simple.  You’ve built so many memories with your dog, and your dog is nice to you.  It’s the concept that you believe something you own is more special than anything else.  You value the memories and experiences with your thing, and you can’t see why someone else wouldn’t value those as highly as you do.

House Metaphor - It’s comparable to when you’re selling a house.  If you’ve lived in the house for 20 years, you probably love everything about it and overvalue everything.  When in fact, there are still flaws with the house, and the market values the house significantly less than you, because the next owner doesn’t care how many thanksgivings you’ve had there, or that the house has only had one owner since 1980.  It cares about kitchens, bathrooms, and modern appliances.

After someone unwillingly accepts that I’m not a fan of their dog, I tell them that the dog who bit me was “My Dog” to Stephen.  That his dog had never bit anyone before, but his dog had never met me before either.

So treasure the memories you have with “your dog,” but don’t assume that everyone is going to love your dog like you do, especially Miko.

Do you dap, stop, or nod?

Here’s the situation.  You’re walking by yourself around Charlottesville on the sidewalk.  And up ahead, about 20 feet on the same sidewalk, is someone you know walking the opposite direction.  You’re clearly going to cross each other’s path in 10 seconds.  What you do next can shed a lot of light on your relationship status.

Fist Bump – you guys are bros, and you’ll see them around often so no need to carry a conversation, just a simple greeting with a bro fist bump.  Frequent acquaintances.

Man Embrace – close bro.  You used to see this person more often than now, and you’re a little disappointed you don’t see him enough now.  So you show that you guys are still tight by giving him a man hug. Friends.

Head nod – This is the person you meet at parties when you can’t remember names.  You’ve forgotten their name, but now you know you should recognize them.  So you just give them a quick head nod, letting them know, that you do in fact know them.  Friends of friends.

Conversation without stopping – I say it’s a conversation because I’m a guy, but basically each person asks how are you doing, and each responds doing well.  There is no stopping, no slowing of pace, just an on-the-go convo.  One of the two people isn’t interested in a drawn out conversation and might not have the time, so neither slows down.  Marginal female friends.

Double stop – This is where both people stop to give each other the time of day.  They ask a few questions and genuinely act like the care.  After about 3 questions, someone says, well I gotta get to class, see you later.  Ok, bye.  Non-hugging female friends.

Female Embrace – This happens when you see a good friend of yours that you haven’t seen in awhile OR you see a good friend who is a hugger.  (Side note: some girls are huggers, for some reason they like embracing others, and some girls are not.  I’m sure guys are aware of which category their female friends fall into.)  So you give them a nice “so glad to see you” hug, and chat briefly and then move on.  Hugging female friends.

Single stop – This is the trouble area, the situation everyone is trying to avoid.  Where one person stops to chat, and the other person doesn’t slow down at all.  Sometimes this is done intentionally, but more often it’s done unintentionally.  You don’t stop, they do, and by the time you realize it, you’re five feet past them and it’s too late.  Clearly one person wants to chat and the other has more important things to do then spend 2 minutes chatting.  This is quite humilating when you stop and they don't even slow down.  Friendship identity crisis.

Cross the street immediately – this is where you see someone you know, and hope to avoid them.  So you cross the street instantly hoping they haven’t seen you thus avoiding any interaction.  Old ex’s stuck in a high school mentality.

I started this post hoping to give advice on how to read the sidewalk situation and act appropriately to avoid the dreaded single stop, but I’ll leave that for another post.

If you’re ever concerned about your friend status with someone, don’t check Facebook, just walk the other way on the same sidewalk and you’ll figure out all you need to know.

Tuesday's Tip of the Day #4

You should always come 5 minutes early to the first class of every semester, so you don't wind up sitting in a terrible location or on the floor.  (e.g. Econ 201, Com 341)

Quotable Mondays #3

Last Week's winner was Reed Bernick, he was a whiz in class discussions.

This week:

"You know what's gross? I don't remember the last time I showered"

Best Isn't Good Enough

Remember the philosophies of elementary school.  Dream big. If you put your mind to it, you can be whatever you want.  Well eventually, these dreams die.  You thought you could do anything, but then you find out, that not everyone can be a major league ballplayer.  That there are only 30 NBA teams, and there aren’t enough roster spots for everyone who wants to play in NBA.  Or maybe you’re like Dwayne and can’t be a pilot because you’re color blind.  Eventually the harsh reality hits us, and we compromise our dreams.

Now that I got a little off topic, let’s go back to the other elementary philosophy: Give it your best shot.  This is completely true.  Whatever you do, you should give it 100% (I’m a statistics nerd, and you can’t give more than 100%, so I would never say give 110% since it is impossible.)  It’s a waste of your time to do something half-heartedly.  If you commit to something, you better give it your all.

Side rant: How silly does this sound? One of my high school friends took the SAT with almost no preparation just to see how she would do.  She clearly didn’t give her best, nor did she try to give it her best shot.  No matter what, you practically gain nothing from the experience.  Even if you’re happy with your scores, you know you could do better if you tried, so you’ll definitely take them again later, making the first test obsolete.  So by gaining the “experience” of a SAT, you lost the test fee and the whole Saturday you used to take the test.  She’ll agree with me that she kind of regretted it, (I think). Basically, if you don’t give it your best shot, you’ll regret it no matter what you do.

Success - Growing up, our best shot normally works.  If we commit to studying for a spelling test, our best will ace the test.  If we commit for an AP exam, we’ll probably be happy with the results.  If we commit to getting into a certain college, we can probably do it.  But eventually, we commit to something, work hard, and seriously give it our best shot, and then we fail. 

Harsh Reality - That is without a doubt one of the worst feelings in life.  That we failed at something we poured everything into.   That all our hard work, dedication, and preparation wasn’t good enough.  Go watch a high school athlete’s final game, more specifically a committed high school athlete.  So many of them have dedicated their high school career to that sport.  They’ve spent countless hours working and training.  But in their final game, their best isn’t good enough, they lose and their state championships dreams die. (unless you play football at Phoebus).  They come up short, and what further validates to me that it’s the worst feeling in life, is seeing them cry.  Most high school boys never cry, and pride themselves on it.  But when our best isn’t good enough, when we fail in our final game, the harsh reality hits us and many athletes cry.

I’m seeing super talented friends come up short a lot these days.  As a fourth year, everyone is trying to a get that dream job and a nice salary.  Many students pour their lives into these resumes, cover letters, and interviews and hope to land their dream job.  But dream jobs are in short supply, and many super talented and super qualified people fail.  They’re told that, we know you gave it your best, but today your best isn’t good enough.

So give it your best, and pray that your best will be good enough.  But understand that giving your best does not guarantee that you’ll be good enough, and it’s just a devastating fact of life.

Courtesy Laugh

Do you ever lol when something isn’t funny? Think about it, do you laugh out loud even though you don’t think what they said was funny.  Unfortunately, most normal people do it all the time, and in fact we’re supposed to do it all the time as well.  I call it a “courtesy laugh” and it pops up in the real world all the time.

Authority - Let’s say you’re networking to someone of authority.  You’re some pee-wee and they’re clearly accomplished.  You’re trying to make small talk and come off as a coherent individual, and you’re probably sucking up to them a little bit too.  So if they say something, that’s supposed to be funny.  We give it the ole double ha.  We’re just trying to communicate that we understand you said something you think is funny, and that we have a high enough social IQ to know when to laugh.  Hopefully your courtesy laugh was properly timed and you continue to hit it off with someone who can hire you or promote you one day.

Small talk - Another great time to use the courtesy laugh is when you’re zoning off during small talk.  You can be at a party, a bar, or just catching up with people.  But clearly you’re not that interested in the conversation, but there’s literally nothing else to do, so you act interested.  You’re thinking of something else but continue to be a good listener.  To not get caught zoning off and being a jerk, if they say something that’s supposed to be funny, you give them a polite courtesy laugh, so you don’t come off as an upper class prick.

Elderly - You can also use the courtesy laugh around the hard of hearing elderly.  A courtesy laugh is the simplest thing to say.  They don’t have to read your lips or ask you to say it again.  So if there’s a time when you’re suppose to laugh, go ahead and belt out another courtesy laugh, and play along with them.  Also, don’t ever try to do an add-on joke with the elderly.  You know, where you play off their joke you’re your own very related funny comment.  You’ll be forced to say it multiple times, and your joke will get less funny each time you repeat it, and finally will only be met with their own courtesy laugh, quite a depressing return.

Flirting - The final and most important time to use the courtesy laugh is when you’re flirting with a cute girl.  Everything a cute girl says is significantly funnier because you’re trying to make her feel good.  Hopefully, she’ll come away thinking, what a sweet and funny guy.  So when a cute girl says something remotely funny, or when she’s expecting a laugh, we’ll definitely be them giving a courtesy laugh.

If you don’t believe me, or don’t think you do this, I challenge you to NOT laugh at things that aren’t funny.  Don’t do any courtesy laughs for a day or two.  You’ll quickly see how awkward the conversation gets, and how there is no filler to let the conversation flow.

So continue to use the courtesy laugh to show off your social IQ, to zone out during small-talk, to speak with the elderly, and to flirt with that cute girl.