So I scanned the internet for an article supporting wearing jorts. Funny thing, I couldn’t find any, so I wrote my own. From all the negative stereotyping, it’s possible that standard jorts-wearing people don’t waste time writing articles to an audience of 4, but I do.
What are Jorts? Before I delve into the deep political, economical, and social benefits of jorts, I need to quickly define what is and what are not jorts. Jorts are denim jeans that were first long legged. But, after some wear, enough to break in the jeans, the owner decides to cut them off. There is much debate as to the proper location to cut the jeans, but the best length is 3-4 inches above the knee, and it has to be above the knee; if you’re looking for a tailor I recommend Kevin Carter. When cutting, make sure to take your time and use a sharp knife or scissors to keep the fray under control. You’re hoping for a snug feel and the freedom to let your knees breathe beneath a small fray.
When can I wear them? Seeing people in jorts is definitely a privilege, especially since it’s hard to pull it off in the standard public, especially if you’re looking to be employable in a few months. To wear jorts you need three things: Friends, America and Beer. Luckily that’s not too restrictive, but it does cancel out class. Here are a few great examples of when jorts are acceptable and possibly encouraged. Playing corn-hole on the weekend. Going to a theme-party. Going Camping. Going to your first NASCAR race. Riding an ATV. The goal when wearing jorts is to be outside in America with a cold beverage in your hand at all times, so that’s the opportunity you’re looking for. Theme parties might sound like a stretch until we look at the political, economical, and social benefits.
What are the benefits? The instant political benefit is everyone knows you love America, and that’s a big deal. The first economical benefit is extending the shelf-life of your jeans. If you’re jeans are tattered around the ankles or you got a few too many grass stains or stepped in who knows what, just make them into jorts, and save yourself from throwing them out or hiding them in the duldrums of your closet. The second economical benefit is you won’t have to buy nice beer, because you can’t drink Stella when wearing jorts. The social benefits are by far the best. If you’ve followed the rules of jorts-wearing, you’ll be in a great spot. Socially you’ll be outside enjoying America with cold beverages and having a good time with your friends. The other benefit is people can’t NOT talk about them. If you’re with someone where they don’t know what to talk about, I guarantee they'll eventually say “I like your jorts.” This line isn’t always a compliment, but it’s always a talking point and boom, social benefit.
Jorts may never be fashionable, but they’ll always be comfortable and American.
No comments:
Post a Comment