One of my favorite treats of being at home is eating Oreos. This might be one of the best midnight snacks ever created, and I don’t have it at college enough because mama can’t buy me Oreos there. Some people claim, similar to Reese’s, that there is no wrong way to eat an Oreo. This is a bold-faced lie. There are plenty of wrong ways to eat Oreos, but I know there is at least one correct way.
Eating only two Oreos– WRONG! Really, the marginal utility of an Oreo barely decreases from the first Oreo until the 10th. Eating only two is a weak compromise to your conscience. When you snack on Oreo’s, you should go big or go home.
Twist off and lick the cream – WRONG! This is cool…if you’re 8. It takes too long and isn’t more enjoyable than normal snacking.
Eating without milk – WRONG! It’s not terrible. Oreos are still really good, but there is so much synergy with milk that without milk, you’re not unleashing the full potential of the Oreo.
Eating Single Stuf – WRONG! It’s not really an Oreo, it’s just a cookie. The icing ratio doesn’t cut it, and you’re left asking yourself if you actually had a treat.
Making a quadruple stuff – WRONG! You might know this technique. A double twist off to start, and then combining the two icing halves (while eating the remaining cookie halves themselves). Don’t get me wrong, this is really good. But it falls apart too easily and it’s like eating straight cream. If you’re dying for straight white sugar, just sneak into mama’s cabinet and eat cake icing instead.
Which brings us to the correct way…
Earn the Right to Be Naughty
Eating Oreos properly takes planning. A key factor is knowing that you won’t just eat two Oreos, you know you’ll eat at least a sleeve (1/3 of the box). As Alex Clark knows, this is being naughty. So if you know you’re going to be naughty you need to counter the effects with rigorous activity during the day. So make sure you’ve gotten adequate exercise and have earned the right to be naughty.
Avoid distractions and make sure you indulge under the cover of nightfall
If you’re earned the right, you need to wait until its dark outside so no one else can see your naughty acts, a crucial Oreo eating component. So pour yourself a cup of milk in a breakfast glass with ample diameter for dunking. Make sure you’re focused on eating and not on watching TV. Also, you shouldn’t drink any milk until you’re finished eating Oreos or else the milk level gets too low for dunks.
Proper technique maximizes synergy
Now you’re ready to indulge. Grab your double-stuf (yes it MUST be double stuf) Oreo with two fingers on just one of the cookies. Gently dunk it in the milk, submerging it as much as you can without getting the fingers wet. Let it rest for 2-3 seconds. You don’t want it to be too soggy, or worse break off and sink to the bottom of the cup, a huge setback in an Oreo eating night. Then gently remove the Oreo and eat in one bite. The soft cookie won’t slow down your teeth as they immediately savor the cream, but as you chew you’ll be glad a little bit of the cookie is dry and adds a delectable small crunch. Enjoy every chew, especially because there’s a lot of calories in an Oreo and you’ll be eating a full sleeve. Repeat the process until you feel naughty. Most of the times it takes me about a sleeve but sometimes 6 cookies will work. However don’t do less than 4, eating Oreos is an event that’s needs to be fully enjoyed and savored.
Oreo-eating is an art, and I consider myself an artist when I’m pounding through a sleeve of Oreos and milk at midnight and you should too.
No comments:
Post a Comment