Tuesday's Tip of the Day #2

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Quotable Mondays: "Who said it?"

Here’s comes another great idea that will be difficult to follow through.  For about the past 8 years, I’ve collected funny quotes from friends, faculty, bathroom stalls and the Brown College Application.  So every Monday, I’ll post an anonymous quote and if you want to guess who said it via commenting, I wouldn’t hate it.

Here's your first:

"I don’t think 17 people could finish five cases in one night…maybe 17 of me could."

How you will be Judged

One of the funnier moments in academics is when you find out how long it takes to grade a scantron sheet.  This happened during one of my first final exams in college. You hand in your test to a teacher assistant, wait about 45 seconds, and all your hard work is reduced to the number.  All the hours of studying and hours of test-taking all funneled down into a simple two-digit number, your grade.  That’s when it hit me, that we are not be judged by the time, effort, and preparation we do.  We are judged only by our results.

Exams - Let’s delve into that exam.  You can think about the problems for 3 hours, use scrap paper to write out the theories.  You can debate back and forth filling in bubble C, then erasing and filling in D, only to switch back in the end.  You can try to come up with hypothetic scenarios, or real world scenarios just to give you some insight into the problem.   But no matter how much work you put in to that question, the result is binary: you either get it correct or incorrect.  There isn’t and shouldn’t be any middle ground.  Someone else could have guessed correctly, and they’d get the same amount of credit as you, even if you had written out an elaborate proof and be convinced without a doubt that choice C is indeed the best answer.

Sports - Another major area where judging occurs is sports.  Athletes practice tirelessly, run extra, lift extra, watch extra film, but they aren’t judged on their preparation or hard work.  They’re judged by their results. 

I went to high school with a very skilled wrestler.  I’ll never forget following his senior wrestling season.  3 weeks before the championship, he told me he dedicated himself to wrestling.  He stopped partying, drinking, and carefully monitored what he ate.  Then 3 weeks later he stood up as a state champion, the ultimate dream of so many high school athletes.  No one can take that away from him.  He’ll live his whole life glorified in the record books and walk around with a ring to prove it.

But, here’s the catch, and he’ll agree with my conclusions.  In no way, did he want it the most.  He didn’t prepare as hard as his competitors, and there’s no way he worked as hard.  There are wrestlers that devote themselves to the sport and the ultimate dream.  They’ve never drank.  They’ve never partied.  They don’t even touch soda. They’re constantly monitoring their weight and sleep in the cold basement so their body burns more calories. These wrestlers wanted it more, and trained harder for it, but we don’t reward practice in the real world, we reward results.  And he won, he ended the ultimate dream for so many other people, and he’ll be judged as a state champion and they won’t.

We judge athletes by their on-field performance not by what they do to prepare.  School and the real world are no different.  You’ll only be judged by what you hand in, by the results you present, not the work or lack there of you’ve put in.  Think about that next time you hand an assignment in.  Ask yourself, does what I hand in show all the work I’ve done?  Have I channeled all my hard work into the finished product?  Because, they don’t grade the work you’ve put in, they only grade the finished product.

Christmas Presents that Last

Every year a week or so before Christmas I make a “what I want for Christmas list.”  This isn’t because I’m selfish and want to act like a five year old.  I do this because I want to force myself to reflect on the things that I value.  So take a moment and think about what you want for Christmas or the New Year.  Don’t corner yourself into something you can find at Wal-Mart, think more of it as if a genie gave you three wishes.  For example, this year the number one thing on my wish list is a job offer.  Unfortunately, I don’t think Santa has any job openings in the North pole, so it might go unsatisfied.  Another thing that pops up on my list is better relationships with my friends.  So I want you to take a moment and contemplate what you want for Christmas and then I’ll spend a few paragraphs talking about gifts that last.

Christmas was a time for getting when you were a kid.  Remember when you used to tear through a wrapped present to find a N64 or a new lego set and you just went wild.  Those were the days.  But now, a lot of people during Christmas times push the theme of “a season for giving.”  Giving is great, don’t get me wrong, but giving doesn’t last long enough.  Retail stores will agree since they absolutely need the holidays to squeak our of the red often times, but the buying doesn't last the whole year.  Also, giving to charity is only an itemized tax deduction, so that will last about a year if it exceeds your standard deduction (What’s up federal tax?).  And another thing, most people will be giving gift cards this Christmas because finding the right gift is just too hard.  So Christmas is no longer about getting or giving, but instead about spending time with your family, friends, and the experiences that come along with that.

This holiday season don’t be concerned with finding the perfect gift, because eventually everyone will realize that gifts fade away, the real gift is the time spent in the close company of your family.  Laughing about the good ole days, making fun of each other, and making jest about everyone’s personality quirks.

Sometimes the gift all someone wants is just your time.  Give your time to old friends.  In the end, people don’t remember the clothes they got for Christmas as these fade away in due time, but they will remember the good times they had with family and friends, and the experiences and relationships they made.

Less is More: Quotes from Guys to Girls

Guys are terrible with words and emotions.  Just ask any guy how they’re feeling?  Most will be taken back for a second but regain their composure and tell you what they’ve been up to, which clearly doesn’t even answer the question.  Well that’s because we don’t know how we’re feeling, and even if we did, there’s no way we would be able to convey our feelings with words.  So for kicks and giggles, ask guys how they’re feeling from time to time and just enjoy the responses.  But luckily for guys there’s an escape for our lack of words.  There are phrases that carry so much connotation, that we don’t even have to explain them with our pathetic excuse for words.

“Hey (first name)!! It was great seeing you last night and I had a great time, and hope you did too.  We should hang out sometime.”

I’m pretty sure all the girls out there have gotten a text message almost identical to this one at some point in their lives, and I’m pretty sure every guy has sent it as well.  So the guy just got the phone number of a girl he’s interested in, and the night before they talked, danced, and maybe drunkenly kissed.  So now it’s the morning after and the guy wants to pursue the girl in real life as opposed to just drunk life.  So he paces back and forth about what time to text her, and then after much deliberation, and after seeking advice from the whole apartment he’ll send this gem of a text.  Depending on the interplay from the previous night, the guy might throw in a reference to the previous night if he’s clever. 

The guy thinks this text is a super calculated fool-proof move.  Doesn’t come across as too demanding, just testing the waters.  But we all know what he really means and what ‘hang out” means.  The guy is in one of two boats.  Either he’s liked this girl for awhile and finally something sparked the night before so he’s going to push the envelope.  Or he met a really cool girl the night before and thinks he’s interested.  Either way, he’s trying to flatter the girl and proceed to step 2 which is clearly ‘hang out.’  Most sophisticated college guys know this is code for I’m really interested in your body and want physical pleasure as soon as possible, but he’s just hoping it get’s interpreted as “ya let’s go to Bodo’s sometime.”  If you’ve exchanged numbers, you almost have to text this the morning after to let her know you’re interested and if the feeling is reciprocal you’ll know shortly and can proceed to the go-zone.

“We need to talk”

This one sucks.  This means I’m about to tell you something that will probably make you cry.  So the girl should be prepared for the worst, and should probably take a seat somewhere.  This is the easiest way to break the news to your girlfriend that you’re about to break up with her.  Everyone knows that’s what you say when you want to have the break-up conversation.  So you pretty much have to start the conversation with this, so she’s knows what’s next.  Because if we only used our own original words, we might dilute the meaning so much that she’s confused if we’re actually breaking up.  Luckily, if you start with “we need to talk”, no matter what gibberish you say next, she knows you’re breaking up, which saves you the trouble of elaborating 5 times.

Another super important note, never ever say this before any other conversation.  No matter what problems your relationship or your families are going through, start that conversation a different way.  Because if you’re not breaking up with her, don’t put it in her mind that you might or that you’re thinking about it.  And by saying “we need to talk” her mind will wander furiously, she’ll assume the relationship is on thin ice and fear the worst until you actually talked to her.  Don’t make her do that, start other deep conversations with original quotes.  Save this one for the break-up.

“Things weren’t working out”

After a break-up, you’re back on the market.  And just like in the job market, future employers are curious as to why you’re unemployed and what went wrong at the old place.  Well in business, all employees say only positive things about the new company, and they never say negative things about the old company.  So they’ll say things like “I really like the culture here.  I just really like the people here.”  Instead of the truth which is something more like “my boss was a prick, the people were jerks and I had no opportunity to move up the corporate ladder.”

So take that same approach to dating.  You don’t need to go into all the messy details about her being controlling, the trust issues, or that she wasn’t over her ex-boyfriend yet.  Only say positive things, like I really enjoyed her company and I hope we stay friends but “things weren’t working out.”  About 95% of the people who asks will take that as plenty of information.  The other 5% should be your close friends and you owe it to them to confide in them the truth.  No matter how clean or messy the break-up was you can always hide behind “Things weren’t working out” and both reputations are saved.

Guys will continue to be terrible with words.  And girls will continue to misunderstand and misinterpret most of what we say.  But luckily, we at least have three phrases we can go to that won’t be misunderstood.

Tuesday's Tip of the Day

So I’ll start a series of weekly one liner for those that like to skim.  Every Tuesday, I’ll post a short concise tip.  These tips will be pretty broad, and at times random, but will be beneficial to those that like short posts.  Here’s your first tip:

When buying hygiene items like deodorant, shampoo, or toothpaste, always buy 2, so you make less trips to the store.

Hangover Cures

As we get into the prime of our lives, we think we’re invincible when it comes to drinking.  The college kids out there know what I’m referring to.  The nights when you feel like you can crush two 40’s in one night after pre-gaming, or when you take at least 5 shots before you even leave the apartment.  But unfortunately, even in our primes we can’t always evade the dreaded hangover.  So now we’ve gone from drunk euphoria to flat out hungover.  The fastest and most effective way to get back to our prime is not through water or food but instead by going on a long run.

DIAGNOSIS-Some people claim they’ve never been hungover, and while they might be correct, its more likely that they probably have but just didn’t know the feeling.  It’s a similar situation as to when someone has never drank before.  A person who has never drank assumes that drinking people are gone and out of it, when in fact there is plenty of middle ground when drinking.  I mean you are allowed to be buzzed and not drunk, (contrary to popular college beliefs), and you’re allowed to drink a few and still drive, so clearly there is some middle ground when it comes to drinking.  One natty doesn’t make you black out and forget everything you did. 

That person that sees alcohol drinkers as either sober or blackout is probably the person that claims they’ve never been hungover.  They carry over that same faulty logic to being hungover or fine with no middle ground.  They don’t understand there are multiple levels of a hangover.  They just believe that if they’re not throwing up the next morning, they’re not hungover.  Here’s a few symptoms to determine the level of hangover experienced.  The basic symptom is you don’t want to do anything.  It’s that you just want to crawl out of bed, turn on the TV and sit.  You don’t want to move, you don’t want to drive, you don’t want to do work, you just want to sit.  If it is a particularly bad hangover, you might have a headache and you can’t eat anything.  And the worst hangovers are when you have to throw up after sleeping.  Finally, the granddaddy of them all, when you throw up at a Raisin’ Cane’s public bathroom after barging in when your roommate was having a beer dump.  So basically, there are multiple different levels of being hungover, and people that claim they’ve never been hungover after drinking are misdiagnosing their symptoms.

Multiple college friends are super eager to tell you their hangover cure, and they normally swear by it.  (Funny side note: I’m making fun of people and by writing this post; doing the exact same thing)  Some drink lots of water the next morning, some say to eat breakfast, some advise talking Advil the night before, and some say make sure to drop a deuce.

WATER-Drinking lots of water only gets the beer taste out of your mouth and dilutes your BAC.  But the alcohol needs to leave your body somehow, and the liver can only do but so much.  By only drinking water your stomach feels empty and constricted.  Grade: B-.

FOOD-Eating breakfast helps a lot since the food absorbs the excess alcohol, lowering your BAC.  However, sometimes you’re too hungover to even eat.  When for some unexplained reason your body just won’t chew and it takes you 35 minutes to eat half a bagel.  And unfortunately eating won’t do much to your headache, and could cause you to throw up (See: Raisin’ Canes’). Grade: B

ADVIL-Taking Advil the night before is actually a terrible idea.  I’m pretty sure it thins your blood, thus increasing your BAC, and although it might help your headache, it’s not safe to do.  Grade: D

DEUCE-Dropping a deuce is a quick way to get rid of some excess alcohol.  There have definitely been times when I’ve felt like I’m deucing straight alcohol the next morning, and then I feel a ton better.  Grade B.

If you combine water, food and deucing, it’s the second best option.  Grade B+

LONG RUN-However the best cure is to go on a long run.  Drink some water before you go and force you body to be active.  Being active jumpstarts your body and your day.  You’ll feel different degrees of terrible while on the run, but after you’ll feel so much better.  By being active and sweating your body can detox itself by sweating out the alcohol.  Now after the run, you’ll be able eat fine and finish detoxing.  Also, by running you don’t waste the whole morning watching tv on the couch.  And you can get back to productive work in the afternoon. Grade A.

Different people swear by different hangover cures, but for a runner like me, going on a long run is the fastest and most effectively way to cure a hangover and not waste your entire morning feeling terrible.  So first let me set my morning alarm, and then pour me a drink.